The Soul's Extravagance

The soul's extravagance is endless.

Spring after spring after spring...

We are your gardens dying, blossoming.

Rumi

Have Faith

If you feel lost, or you don't know what you are supposed to do next, or your mother's cancer scan results came back with a less than hopeful outlook, I want you to do something for me. I want you to hold your faith. I want you to keep your mind and heart steady. I want you to focus on finding your way, looking for clues as to what to do next, and keeping attuned to left-field options. This is not the time to indulge the dark side of your nature. This is the time to reach beyond your known limits for the light.

I want you to have faith that solutions are available. I want you to have faith that your life and the life of those you love are held with reverence in the palm of God's hand. When you lay down at night, I want you to feel God's hand holding you as you surrender your self to sleep. I want you to have faith.

Do not take the low road. Do not give up. Do not shut down. Instead, ask for guidance. Speak through your heart. Breathe deep the rain and the fog. Reach for the sun. Have faith.

My First Ever Interview

Today, I'm in a state of bliss. Why, you ask? Because I am the recipient of graciousness and good fortune. All from one woman with a powerful voice. Today, I am the featured interview on the inspiring and insightful blog of Christine Reed, known fondly as Bliss Chick. It's my first ever interview and Christine could not have been more caring and wonderful in her presentation. To say I'm honored is an understatement.

If you care to know a bit more about me and investigate the world of Bliss Chick, go HERE.

Thank you for everything, Christine!

The Author Reads Her Work # 3

~For Kristin Jane~

Originally posted October 23, 2007.

The Only Opinion That Matters

The only opinion that matters is your own. Your opinion of yourself is the foundation of all events and happenings in your life. If you find yourself overwhelmed by the criticisms of acquaintances and strangers like I was this past week, it's time to shift your mind to the positive. About yourself.

What you think about yourself and the labels you unfairly pin to your lapel need to be rewritten. Your world is a reflection of how high or low you hold yourself in esteem. Join me in daring to think better of yourself. Join me in appreciating the 10,004 wonderful aspects, quirks and caring ways inherent in your soul. Look deep with me to find them. List your positive qualities and be ever so gentle in acknowledging the qualities that make you secretly cringe. There are pockets of pain supporting those less than savory qualities. There are reasons behind your outbursts and freak outs and meltdowns. You've been hurt. I've been hurt. It's time to kiss your wounds with love and understanding. It's time to support yourself like never before, no matter what.

You are star shine and tenderness and valor. You are exceptional in so many ways. You, just as you are in this minute, are a gift to this world. Think better of yourself. Forgive and soothe yourself. Dare to think you are fabulous. Act fabulous. Stay humble.

Use your new-found positive opinion of yourself as your shield and your foundation. Write a new label and pin it to your lapel~ "I support myself in my awesomeness". Share the gift of yourself with the world, unafraid. Be the love and appreciation and understanding you have hoped for and needed all along.

{The little cluster of fragrant blooms is "freesia".}

Welcome Spring!

The Mastery Of Mother Nature

The Author Reads Her Work #2

Guess what? I love my new camera. My Fujifilm Finepix S8100 with video capability. It is expanding my creative brain and has me giggling with delight. So get ready, videos aplenty are on their way. Today, I take The Plunge again. A post originally uploaded on June 13th, 2006.

I did this video in a rush. I didn't want other park revellers to have to explain to their children why a (crazy) lady was standing on the stairs of the slide talking to herself. Next time, though, I'm gonna slide down with the camera still running.

On The Wings Of Little Red Shoes

This little girl still exists inside of me. This past week, she has been stamping her red shoes in protest. She is afraid. Of many things. She is afraid her mother will leave her through the exit door marked "cancer". She is afraid she will be harmed(?), judged(?), terribly unsafe(?) if she allows me to keep exposing myself in ever widening increments. She is afraid she will cease to exist if I dare to lift myself beyond the confines of my small life. Her shoes are quite scuffed. She has asked me to lock the doors and turn away from the world. So she'll be safe.

I've said no.

Instead, I've asked the Universe to help me quell her fears. In response, They sent a bird. They sent a starling. The least loved little star-of-a-bird. This least loved bird was sent to my living room and my bathroom and my studio and my kitchen. They sent a starling to fly around my home in a panic. It knocked trinkets off shelves and art from the walls in its quest to elude my cats and find its way back to the open sky. "Do you see?", I told the little girl in red shoes, "If you confine your wings to small spaces, you are less safe. Panic and fear will consume you".

I sequestered my lazy cats in the bedroom and closed the remaining doors. I opened a window in my living room. I could hear the starling clicking its nails on the second shelf of cart in my kitchen. I bent down to see it and soothe it. Oh, such a beautiful bird! I talked softly to it for a time, thanking it for coming, but telling it wings were never meant to be shut away, so I've opened a window back to the sky. "Fly. Be free, little star-of-a-bird." With that I pulled the cart away from the wall and forced the bird out of the kitchen and down the hall. By the time I turned the corner of the living room it was gone.

To my amazement, the little red shoes stopped stamping. The lesson was clear. Locked doors and confinement are not the way to live. To fly on the bountiful sky is to be free. Only there, against sunshine and stars, can calmness and purpose and love spread my wings wide open. Only there can healing take place and the self be truly expressed. Fearless and safe in little red shoes.

Yellow

I Pray To The Birds

If ever there was a poem for me, this is it. I stumbled upon it just the other day. Where ever you are Terry Tempest, thank you for hearing the words of my heart and writing them down.

I pray to the birds because I believe they will carry the messages of my heart upward.

I pray to them because I believe in their existence,

the way their songs begin and end each day~

the invocations and benedictions of the Earth.

I pray to the birds because they remind me of what I love rather than what I fear.

And at the end of my prayers, they teach me how to listen.

Terry Tempest

The Author Reads Her Work

And so it begins. My next step. My little dare to myself. My unfurling a petal in the quest to bloom. I read aloud to you.

Today's selection is called "Do Not Be Afraid", a post I wrote on December 16th, 2007. I'm holding the camera, so the image bobbles as I breathe. One take, no fuss, no self judgments. Good enough. Upload it and post it.

For those of you who do not know me, this is what I sound like.

Nothing More Healing Than Love

Every once in awhile, something small and meaningful crosses your path and stops your breath. That every once in awhile happened to me today at 5:56pm. And it stopped my breath.

It started at my local bank on the way home from work. Every teller was wearing a broken heart t-shirt with writing on it. The letters were small. To read the message required staring at the chest of a woman much younger than me, so I refrained. I thought to ask what the message said, but for no explainable reason decided not to.

I drove the short distance home. I began the climb of the enclosed stairwell that leads to my 2nd floor home. In the waning light, I almost stepped on something. It was small and solid and odd. It was a red and black clay Buddha. A couple steps up was a second Buddha. A few more steps revealed a third. At the top of the stairs, on the landing, was a neatly folded t-shirt with a broken heart and writing on it. My jaw dropped.

I stepped into the door and read the t-shirt. It said, "To the soul there is nothing more healing than love". My eyes misted over. Such true words. Because there was no note with the shirt, I looked inside at the label to see if it would give me a clue as to what this was about. The label read, "L.I.F.E. line for flight 3407. Made with love in Clarence, NY". I burst into tears.

I have no idea who gave me these 4 gifts. Did everyone in Mayberry get a t-shirt at their doorway today? If they did, why did I get 3 Buddhas? Surely, no one else on my street got 3 Buddhas. And why 3? Is the giver aware of the 3 posts I wrote about flight 3407 in February?

I can answer none of my questions. It's a meaningful mystery I may never solve. The website listed on the t-shirt is underdeveloped and gives me no clues. It does not matter. I don't need to know. Though I never imagined it while writing my messages of hope, the compassion I extended has returned to me.

Tonight I will light 3 candles and set them on my Buddhas. I will say more prayers for the broken hearts of flight 3407. I will send out more love to heal more souls. I will wear my new t-shirt to bed and dream of a life for us all, where Love. Is. For. Everyone.

{My 3 posts about Flight 3407 can be found here and here and here.}

Thank you, whoever you are...

Reflection Of The Divine

Despite all your doubts and merciless self-judgements, your sabotage and fortified walls, you are still a reflection of the Divine. You matter. You are relevant. You are loved.

Hearts On Fire

If you can see the truth of who you are, if you can stop comparing yourself endlessly to those around you, you can notice who has lit a flame in their heart and you can borrow their spark to make your own fire.

We are here to ignite the very best in each other. We are here to help each other shine. There is more than enough room on the stage for any and all who want to make a difference, spread the love, and heal the world with the offerings of their soul. We are fuel for each other's callings. We are gateways. We are midwives.

Do not look to some one else's accomplishments and daring and find yourself lacking in their wake. Instead, have enough respect for yourself to stand in the light of their fire and dare to strike your own match. Every one's offerings are needed. Mine and yours. Some one, somewhere, right now is waiting to be illuminated by your words or deeds or heartfelt act of kindness. Step out of the shadows. Accept the truth of who you are. Take the perpetual match into your own hands. Light your heart on fire. Pass it on.

"Your heart is on fire and you give me permission, you make room for me to set my own heart on fire." Comment left by Evenstar Art ( after having finally stopped the incessant comparing and finding herself lacking) on a post by www.inkonmyfingers.typepad.com, February 28, 2009.

New Perspectives, New Life

I'm searching for a new way of seeing my life. Of being in my life. New perspectives, new understandings, all based on where my life is right now. I feel like I'm standing over buried treasure and the Universe has handed me a shovel. "Start digging, " they say, "you've already got everything you need to make it happen." Make what happen? I almost know. I almost know. But like a word on the tip of my tongue I can't wrestle from my brain, the "it" in make it happen hasn't arrived on the threshold of my consciousness. So I'm digging. Online, through the lens, in front of the blank page, and in my dreams.

Jewels are rising to the surface in the form of unexpected email requests, weekly assignments in my online photography course, spontaneous visions while driving, oracle cards and the candy-apple-red peonies, clustered in clear vases, in this morning's dream. Each jewel that rises seeks to be strung to the next until the message becomes clear, the clasp is secure and I find myself wearing the shimmering gift of purpose.

Somehow, some way, everything I need to launch the next phase of my life exists within me right now. I'm having trouble seeing it and putting it into words, but I can feel it. I can feel it coming. It feels larger than the life I am living now, but it is based on who I am in this very moment. Who I am is ready to see the same old things in fresh ways, entertain new paths to known destinations and notice more keenly how people respond to my thoughts and actions. Each shovelful of heightened awareness brings with it another jewel.

I'm stringing the jewels together on paper to see the emerging pattern and not miss a bead. I'm asking my League Of Angels to keep it simple and concise. No grand mysteries to solve, just a beautiful string of quiet revelations. Because it's time. And I'm ready to live a life adorned.

{Assignment for week #2 of my e-course: use reflection to see my world differently.}

Tuliptherapy

I brought pink tulips, Beloved, to distract you. To ease the cold and tingles of the clear, poison drip. I brought them, Beloved, for myself as well. To stare at during moments when biting the side of my tongue would not be enough to stave off tears. I brought pink tulips to remind us of spring and rebirth and hope and love. To remind us that, amid the painful needle sticks, the beeping, the constant motion outside your cubicle, the full house of patients enduring their own poisonous drips, there is great beauty waiting to be embraced. Within and without.

Cancer is a funny thing, isn't it Beloved? What threatens to tear us apart is also the gorilla glue that makes our hearts inseparable. What makes a body weak gives strength not seen before. Cancer offers up courage and comedy. It reduces walls to rubble. It offers the soul redemption. Its dark pathway shimmers with opportunities for light. It's a funny thing. It's a blessing. Yes. A blessing.

3 weeks from now, Beloved, the tulips will be red. They, too, will remind us of strength and beauty within and without. 7 years and 3 weeks from now, the tulips I bring will be yellow. They will remind us of the light on the path, the love on the path that led us out of darkness.

{The comedy of cancer shows up when my Mother has to bundle up like a mummy to ward off the cold after a session of chemotherapy. The first time she mummified herself, she giggled and asked me to take her picture.}

Pink tulips are a stock photo.

Black and White

Speak To The Heart

Last night, at 10:20pm, I lay in bed and listened to one of my favorite sounds. The sound of church bells. The Methodist church at the top of my street usually regales me with its chimes twice on Sunday mornings. But last night it rang the bells for reasons other than calling its flock to worship. It rang its bells 50 times. Once for each person who perished one week before, at 10:20pm, when Flight 3407 went down.

I lay in bed, counting each peal, and thought of the vast web of connection each of those 50 people had created in the course of their lives. And how that web of family and friends and co-workers and teammates was now in such turmoil and transition. So many hearts have been crushed. So many things have been left unsaid. So many questions will never be answered.

It doesn't take a plane crash to count one's self among the ranks of those in grief, however. It could be accidents or cancers or wildfires that have severed connections too quickly. Soul deep grief is an affliction all too many succumb to when there is no time to say a proper goodbye to the friends and loves of our lives. But there is a way out of the shock and the seemingly bottomless well of grief. There is a way out. And that way out lies within. It lies within our hearts.

The love and friendship we think we have lost is not lost at all. The heart connections forged in life do not cease at death. Time and space are no match for the unshakable bonds of love. If there is unfinished business, finish it. If there are important words left unspoken, speak them. If there was no time for goodbyes, make the time now. How is this done? With visualizations and words.

Whatever you need to or want to or wish you had said to the loved one who left you behind, picture them in front of you and speak. Visualize your words as a stream of energy flowing directly into their heart. See every word you need to say entering their heart. Hold nothing back. Say everything you can think to say. Because love is the highest connecting force in the Universe, the love you shared in life is the same love you share after this life as we know it. Your loved one can hear your words and feel your words, if they are aimed at the heart, no matter where they have gone. They can feel your words. They can feel your emotions. They are healed right along with you when you aim your words at their heart.

Know this as truth and it shall be. Tell them how much they meant to you and still do. Thank them for each moment of love shared between the two of you. Be brave and start the conversation flowing. Keep talking until you instinctively feel all has been said. This might take minutes, hours or days. Then ask the Universe to give you clear signs that tell you your message has been received. The signs of confirmation will come. And your heart can then climb out of that soul deep grief.

The physical heart is the same as the ethereal heart. Both are conduits for that most powerful force in the Universe, love. Heal yourself and the one who has moved on. Speak from the heart, to the heart. Let peace and gratitude become part of the legacy of the love that remains.

The Technology Of Blooming

I've been setting aside money, tucking the 10 and 20 dollar notes into small envelopes marked "printer" and "camera". "It's time to open your petals a bit further", my instincts called out. "It's time to see how the next level of technology can pull more creativity up from within". Last week, when the envelopes were full, the purchases were made.

Hello, my new Fujifilm Finepix S8100 with your 10 megapixels and your lovely macro abilities. You're more than what I've ever had in digital, but thankfully, less intimidating than the professional SLRs. Hello, my new HP Photosmart All-In-One printer/scanner/copier. Since I have not had a printer of any level in more than 3 years, and never before a scanner, you my friend, are the bomb. Just enough capability for a novice like me. And hello, bonus download of Photoshop. I think you will blow my Printshop program away. But for now, you intimidate me, so don't be offended when I avoid you for days on end. Baby steps are required. And lots of free time for investigation. I've been told, however, you will rock my world after our very first kiss.

As if my head wasn't already swimming in the deep end after this influx of untapped potential, I have signed myself up for an e-course. The lovely and brave Susannah, of Ink On My Fingers fame, is offering an 8 week photography course called "Ways Of Seeing Myself". It's her first of many photography/writing/video e-courses that help a soul to see Itself more clearly, with more love. I'm one of 116 lucky students taking the plunge into self revelation. It begins today.

There is no longer any excuse to stay tight in a bud. It's time to allow more visibility. It's time to find out what can be revealed and healed and pulled up from my creative well. Click, whirrrrr, shudder, flash. It's time to get on with the blooming.