Tuesday, August 31, 2010

The Bittersweet Goodbye

And so, with tears in my eyes and a smile in my heart, I tell you Blue and Creamsicle are being adopted. Together. They have found their forever home. My promise to them is fulfilled. Our collective efforts have made a difference in this world.

They go to a good, good home with a bittersweet story of its own. I will tell you more if permission is granted. The story and the struggle of Blue and Cream is known to the person adopting them. Special care will be taken with Cream. Updates will be passed on. Know they are moving on to exactly what they deserve.

I couldn't be happier, except that I'm sad they are leaving my life. By the time I can reach them tomorrow to say goodbye, they may already be gone. I'll bring my Kleenex just in case. It will be almost 9 months to the day between my discovery of them and their adoption. May it be a glorious rebirth for us all.

Thank you to all the lovely ladies who donated to the care of Blue and Creamsicle at the beginning of the year. Thank you to anyone who paid them a visit. Thank you to anyone who said a small prayer for their welfare. Thank you to Lynn for emptying her change jar and funding the dog cage that has been their home. Thank you to the volunteers at the adoption center for giving such good care. Thank you to Elaine for your enthusiasm and help in socializing the boys and for donating the first money to help feed the cats when they were strays. Thank you, most of all, to Stephanie who gave me hope back in the spring and made it possible for me to bring the boys to her shelter. She has loved Blue and Creamsicle as much as I have, and maybe, just maybe, even more.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

wide open, lit

morning crickets,
and fresh nectarines.
it is 74 degrees, cloudless.

the last of the cicada shells
clings upside down,

remnants of pumpkins past
bloom forth.
small planes,
circling low and early,
chortle and sputter across the blue.

it is sunday.
all is clear,
inside and out.
my heart and the sky.

wide open,
all possibilities aloft,
ready to begin.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

the joy project~blue muse

the artist and invoker of the muse, ms. kelly

original metal clay designs

blue muse bracelets. love!!

a favorite adornment

she is a rare combination. artistic talent to share and spare, phenomenal writing skills ( i mean phenomenal)
and a genuine heart. we found each other in this land of blog and made a connection. perhaps it was the commonality of cat fanaticism. or the love of snapping pictures. or the writing. perhaps it was all of it. so, when kelly made it known she was one of 100 select vendors at an art show within easy driving distance for me, i had to go.
and it was there under her blue muse tent, in purple rain boots, surrounded by gorgeousness she and her sister/business partner created, i saw in an instant her genuine heart. i saw, also, her gift for beauty. it was difficult to narrow my selection, (I would have taken every piece), but finally 2 metal clay necklaces won the day. a leaf print with amazonite beads for me, and a heart infused with a paw print for a dear friend's birthday.

we plan to meet again when the leaves turn crisp and colorful. until then, i'll keep track of her art at blue muse headquarters and be awed and inspired by her written word at that's mrs. mediocrity to you.

what a joy to have met you, kelly.

p.s. debi. darlin'. i wish y'all had been there ,too!!

Monday, August 23, 2010

the purity of nothing

i have the fleas to thank. because of them, i am on a rampage. a rampage to awaken to the things that surround me. it has consumed my summer, this quest, this focused effort to remove from my space and my person that which does not serve me. it is evolutionary in nature. what i cannot see as outmoded one day is revealed as dispensable the next. the path to the doorways of donation are well worn. selling is not an option. when i decide a thing has no more meaning, i want it gone. immediately.

the void is growing and i have resisted the urge to go unconscious again and fill it back in. along the way, the inner equivalents of the physical things that no longer serve my well being (and really never did) have surfaced. in a phrase, it ain't pretty. there is nothing to do but sit with each egoistic objection as it arises and do my best to stay aware. at times, the only salvation from near-insanity and the urge to ruin my life is doing laundry. or searching for more things to get rid of.

i have no idea what lies on the other side of this ongoing rampage. i have no idea when i will reach the point of being surrounded by only things that matter, when the dregs of my unconscious collecting and my deprecating thoughts have been expunged. all i know is i cannot stop. something is driving me to awaken. even if in the end, i own the purity of nothing. even if in the end, i have gained the freedom to begin.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

the progress of blue and cream

lovin' me some Blue, after work
he's a cuddler  
he also melts hearts

elaine (crazy cat lady, like me)
and the ever-advancing creamsicle.
can you hear him purring?

(my "ouch" at the end is from the cat
next door snagging me with his claws!)

blue and cream are HERE, waiting for their forever home.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

august 15

ancient remedies

pharmacy window, buyukada, turkey
april, 2010

{straight out of the camera}

Friday, August 13, 2010

August 13~ Blue and Creamsicle

I couldn't be more pleased. Blue and Creamsicle are doing fantastic. Blue walks up to the open door of his little home and right into your arms. He purrs and head butts your chin over and over. He genuinely wants to be held. Creamsicle loves, loves, loves having his face rubbed and will now come forward and stand up to be petted. He purrs, he drools. He is his own brand of lover boy.

As much as I will dearly miss these cats, they are getting ready for a home of their own. Do you know of anyone with patience and a heart of gold willing to take them both? Blue is the magician and Creamsicle is the Bodhisattva,  the teacher of compassion. Who ever is wise enough to take these boys into their home and heart will be forever changed. In the best of ways.

You can find them here.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Thursday, August 05, 2010

the awakening

here is the key: every one in your life is a bit player on your stage. every player is perfectly scripted to help you understand yourself. everyone acts and reacts to you according to how you are treating yourself at any given time. the goal of each and every encounter is to awaken you to yourself. in that awakening, that awareness, adjustments can be made to keep yourself on track. on track for what? respecting and honoring and loving yourself.

your world will right itself, your dreams will manifest and the course of your days will run smooth, when and only when, you treat yourself with unflinching dignity. constantly. to find out where you're glitching and being ridiculously hard on yourself over and over again, look to the reactions of those around you. listen to what and how they're communicating with you. they are speaking for you the words you tell yourself repeatedly, those unconscious ones that keep you living a small life.

do not lay blame on another. do not be insulted. do not take any of it personally. yes, it's hard. of course, it's hard. but be honest with yourself. what he said is what you say to yourself in one form or another. and you've believed yourself for so long, you're living that lie. he only said it out loud to get you to wake up to your own brainwashing. thank his bit player actions and get on with the business of making amends to yourself for treating yourself like shit. take charge of what you think in your own brain. dare to think you are fantastic. do not give a rat's ass if you can't be perfect. decide to enjoy your quirks.

give yourself a break. and then another one. and another one. lather, rinse, repeat.

eventually, you will awaken to the fact that people have begun to treat you with more dignity. that you are laughing more and people are joining in. you will feel what it is to live hour to hour and day to day in a world of love. a world you have created for yourself, through your awareness and the gifts of bit players. it is worth the work and the vigilant awareness to reprogram the script in your brain. you deserve nothing less than the best this world has to offer. to receive it, awaken and give your best to yourself.

august 5

metaphorically speaking, i do not live here anymore.

{straight out of the camera}
fugi/finepix s8100

Tuesday, August 03, 2010

august 3

this is the next step.

split from the past that weighs you down.

fly free.

{straight out of the camera}
fugi/finepix s8100

Monday, August 02, 2010

august 2

I prefer laundered money.

{straight out of the camera}
fugifilm/finepix s8100, the little camera that could.

Sunday, August 01, 2010

i am here

i am here because i am here.

and in this here, i am being tutored on the now.

the present.

the what-is-right-before-me.

even if many times i don't want to be here, here is what is teaching me to be me.

here is where i understand the power of the moment. in the moment, here, is where discord dissolves. in the moment is where illness vanishes, teeth unclench, the chattering mind is stilled.

in the moment, here, thousands of miles removed, is the only place my heart is reconciled in choosing to love an army man. if i am there, out of the moment, i am not me and the illusion of loneliness is crushing.

so, i am here, behind the garage, resisting the urge to give up. learning, still, the finer points of using the present to stay sane.

in the moment, here behind the garage, activity swirls around my stillness. the goldfinch bounces over sound waves of the blue jay piping its call. the squirrel, surprised, yet brave, inches forward. yellow butterflies, pollen-coated bees, cicadas old and new. the sky, blue as pool water. the breeze, a brush with grace.

i am here because  i am here.

 to be me. 

august 1

black eyed susan
{straight out of the camera}