Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Dark Elixir

Oh, beautiful dark elixir;

high octane in a glass,

I have a great thirst for you.

Meet me on a rooftop

under a dark moon in April. 

Dance with me

by the Marmara sea.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Hold It, Quivering

There are risks that need to be taken.

Cautions must be thrown to the wind.

Dreams need solid foundations.

Solid foundations need bravery and work.

Forget the years of struggle.

Yes, yes, you wouldn't be
who you are without them.

But let the struggles go.

Open your palms.

Cup them.

Let light and passion soak into
the skin of your holy grail.

Let rare beauty find you.

Let it find you at last.

Hold it, quivering.

Hold it, palms open.

It is not more than you can handle.

My God. My God.

It is what you deserve.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

if i were...

if i were a month i'd be May in full bloom,
if i were a day i’d be autumn equinox,
if i were a time of day i’d be both dawn and dusk,
if i were a font i’d be courier,
if i were a sea animal i’d be a dolphin,
if i were a direction i’d be west,
if i were a piece of furniture i’d be
 an Amish rocker,
if i were a liquid i’d be raspberry juice,
if i were a gemstone i’d be rose quartz,
if i were a tree i’d be cherry,
if i were a tool i’d be a swiss army knife,
if i were a flower i’d be an orange-colored rose,
if i were an element of weather i’d be
 thunder and lightning,
if i were a musical instrument i’d be a mandolin,
if i were a color i’d be cerulean blue,
if i were an emotion i’d be bliss,
if i were a fruit i’d be a red raspberry,
if i were a sound i’d be
 the song of the Baltimore oriole,
if i were an element i’d be rain,
if i were a car i’d be a '68 Camaro~
hot blue with white bumblebee nose stripe,
if i were a food i’d be goat cheese with honey,
if i were a place i’d be the Alaskan rain forest,
if i were material i’d be goat's beard shatoosh,
if i were a taste i’d be pumpkin gelato,
if i were a scent i’d be rose petal tea,
if i were a body part i’d be a very clear eye,
if i were a song i’d be Ripple,
if i were a bird i’d be a red bellied woodpecker,
if i were a gift i’d be a kiss and a hug,
if i were a city i’d be Berlin,
if i were a door i’d be a dutch door~
 top swung open to the sun,
if i were a pair of shoes i’d be hiking boots,
if i were a poem i would be this:

"But yield who will to their separation,
my object in living is to unite,
my avocation and my vocation
as my two eyes make one in sight.

Only where love and need are one,
and the work is play for mortal stakes,
is the deed ever really done
for heaven and the future's sakes."
Robert Frost

This moment of self indulgence was inspired by Debi over at Emmatree.
 If you'd like to play along, I'd love to find out what you'd be.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Roadside Assistance

It was the first warm day of spring and there were frogs to be rescued. I managed to rescue 4 on Ditch Road heading out to the swamps. The road was a mine field of dead frogs. Dozens were splattered hither and yon over the blacktop, except for the 4 I plucked and put safely on sleepy brown earth, ditch side.

I seemed to be the only driver on the road aware of the massacre in progress. No one else was swerving and leaping from their car, gently scolding the frogs for kamikaze behavior. No one else had frog slime on their fingers.  No one else gave last rites to the little souls who survived the winter in a ditch and were crushed on their first day back in the sun.

There is too much speeding by and too little concern for the glorious details of this life. So many important things are being missed and uncared for. There are people in pain and children being neglected and water being polluted and frogs being crushed. There is no way to attend to it all, and surely not enough time in a day, but if we each care for a portion of the details, if we each attend to a specialized niche, the overall glory of this life we all share will shine a whole lot brighter.

So, I ask you, what is your chosen niche? What neglected details tug at your heart  and compel you beyond reason to right a wrong or save a soul or care when no one else will? One niche for me is definitely roadside assistance.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Soft And Sentimental

It was a day to be soft and sentimental. It was a day I came upon some one unexpectedly; a boy from my past; now a man. I found myself leaning into the familiarity of his voice as he spoke, a voice I'd barely heard in 20 years. But it was the same and he was the same, only wiser and happier with slightly less hair.

He told me I still had my sharp wit. I don't remember having such wit when we knew each other well. But I felt a softness come over me from being recognized and remembered. A validation I did not look for of having mattered to some one in my youth. A youth I have, in large part, turned away from.

It is precisely that youth I am in need of now. Daring and openness and a lover of love, minus the anger and angst. I was tempted in the periphery of my awareness to spend 3 hours talking to him, remembering our bright years of friendship. I did not sway with that temptation, but instead went on my way before the conversation pulled any emotional strings. It was enough to hear the refrains of Genesis, Styx and Journey without digging the albums out of the box.

In this constant forward motion of my life, it was a pleasant surprise to look back. Even just a little. It was a reminder to bring the best of the past along with me as fuel for the bright years ahead.

Monday, March 15, 2010

From That State Of Being, All Else Will Come

For much of my life, I have been too easily influenced by the words of other people. By words, I mean opinions. I felt, in order to belong to a group, to my family, to a circle of friends, I had to assimilate their opinions and make them my own. In that often unconscious assimilation, I was accepted. In agreeing and going along with voices louder and more stern than my own, I was granted safety and hopefully, love. There were times the assimilation, the agreement, the capitulation almost killed me. Literally. That's when I awoke. That's when resistance to opinions began.

It has been a slow resistance. But it has been steady. I have walked away,  I have learned to shut doors, I have even refused to open some doors while others, with loud opinions, yanked and rattled the handles. There has been deep emotional pain with the walking and the shutting and the guard of my own sanctity. I have stepped outside the bounds of acceptance, seeming to risk my own safety and secure place in the world. But that place has been small and my soul has cried out to be big. Or at least to be free.

After much inner work and self doubt, after years of practiced self referral, I arrived at today. While driving route 5 under grey skies, returning home from mundane errands, a feeling and a thought rose up from my gut. I belong to myself. Finally. I have no need of groups of any kind to confirm my status and deservability. I need not belong anywhere, or with anyone to be loved. To be safe, to be grounded, to be privy to the limitless well of Universal love, I need only belong to me. I need only to trust, to know and to act. On behalf of myself. From that state of being, all else will come. The family, the groups and the freedom.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

I Choose To Be Happy

To be certain,
not everything in my world is perfect.

Not even close.

Yet, I have no desire
to look over the list
of things that need improving.

I think it's a long list.

But, shits are no longer given for that list.

I may even dare to shred it.

At the very least, I will dance on it
or use it to light a fire.

There is no room right now to be
unhappy or anything less than satisfied.

Everything I need is at hand,
whether I can see it or not.

Happiness makes needful things visible.

I choose to be happy.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Blog it Forward~ What Inspires Me

Today, I blog it forward. Today I join the legion of bloggers taking the cue from Victoria Smith, writer and style maven of SFgirlbybay. She dreamed up a concept where hundreds of bloggers join together in exposing what inspires them, then link to each other to form an online chain letter of inspiration. From group 3, Liane of Enhabiten introduced me yesterday and tomorrow, Desaline, of Every Little Wonder follows along. It's a lovely opportunity to find new blogs and let ourselves be sparked .

These days, it is not the expected that inspires me. No perfectly rusted pail, no certain shade of lavender, no sunset on the sea will do it for me. What inspires me now are people. People who possess the unexpected and laudable qualities of self respect. The ones who have slogged out their anguish in personal trenches and arrived at respect. The ones who have arrived late-but-not-too-late to the treasures of honor. The ones who had the glorious fortune to be taught early in life the value of esteem. It is these people, the possessors of self respect, however it alighted in their souls, that send my heart blazing and forging ahead.

For the world will be saved by people who choose respect. There is no end to war or siege of the environment, there is no common courtesy on roadways or subways, if the people at war or riding along loathe themselves even mildly. To dishonor the self leads, as only it can, to dishonoring the world at large. The world at large is not so large; it is our closet relations, our towns and our schools, our pets abandoned on the streets. No respect within means no respect without. A little respect within means only a little respect without. And the world continues to spin in chaos.

It is self respect and the out loud examples of such that sets my soul to rise. It is the people who know when to say no, who know how to give to others without draining themselves, who leave egos behind and offer compassion instead. It is the people who don't need to win because they know they've already won. These are the people who keep me set in my truth. They inspire me. They give me hope. And they compel me to join them in saving the world, one act of respect at a time.

Tuesday, March 09, 2010

Gratitude Comes Floating In

Things feel simple and complicated all at once. I feel nervous and strangely assured. Gratitude comes floating in and anchors me in the moment. All is well and all will be well and things will come in right order.

Sunshine filters in, lulling the winter-worn cats. Dinner is served at noon on Monday with raspberry cobbler, and German music, from regions up north, coloring the conversation of family, making me wish I was there and here. But no, right now; here.

Canada geese pierce the sky, flying low, flying north, heading for swamps and stop overs. Blackbirds arrive and vultures are coming and sparrows defend the invisible nest.

Sunshine filters in, melting dim and crusty snow, ushering dreams of peonies and pink lemonade. Babylon moves forward; my Love is tired and safe. The string between our tin can phones grows shorter.

Gratitude. Pleasing, refreshing, satisfying gratitude. Floating in, filtering in, melting my nerves away.

Friday, March 05, 2010

New Territory

I am answering a call.

I am in new territory.

Momentum is building.

Purpose is driving me onward.

My soul is rising to the surface.

Flowers are everywhere.


Wednesday, March 03, 2010

I Heart Lily

I am about to ruin your plans. Your time management. Your regularly scheduled bedtime. Mine was ruined yesterday by my dear friend, Lisa. I love her and hate her. You are going to feel the same way about me.

You see, there is a black bear named Lily who gave birth to a cub less than 2 months ago. She and baby 'Hope' are hibernating in a winter den. In that den is a camera. That camera, the 'Lily Den Cam', let's you peek in on the snuggled life of 2 magnificent creatures and makes you privy to all the gurgles and chortles and whines. Day or night. When you see a mini bear paw waving at you on the camera or see a mini bear face peek over the side of its sleeping mother, you will be ruined, like me, for further productivity. You will become enthralled. Obsessed. Infatuated. You will even join the Lily fan club on Face Book and not feel the least bit insane.

Finish what you were doing. Then go here to be ruined in the most wonderful way...

{Lily photos courtesy of}

Monday, March 01, 2010

The Word And The Way

There is a word coursing through my brain, a word that is pointing the way. The meaning of the word must be employed to even consider the re-directing purpose of the word itself. That word, that way is flexibility. I find myself bending over backwards to follow its call.

Have you noticed that things are changing rapidly? Some changes are welcome, some are not. Most feel unexpected, whether the opportunity hidden in the change feels like a comfort or a threat. Regardless, these changes, minute and vast, are presenting themselves weekly, daily and hourly. It can be hard to keep up. It can be hard to feel safe in the midst of it all.

Resistance to change, especially rapid change on several levels at once, is normal. We stiffen, shut down, argue, whine and defend our status quo like warriors. But normal responses are no longer helpful. They will prolong the misery we are valiantly trying to avoid. The new response we are being challenged to employ, on the spot and sometimes in rapid succession, is to remain open and flexible in the oftentimes annoying face of sudden change. We need to practice recognizing our resistance to the small changes in order to be capable of handling the big ones when they drop out of the sky.

We need to become aware when we stiffen and flare our nostrils at sudden thwarts to our plans; those plans that make us feel safe, those routines we've done over and over again. When things go awry, we need to shift our brains from instant annoyance to acceptance of adventure. We need to train our brains to relax and seek out the opportunity that lies within the sudden change of plans. So often, the opportunity to do something slightly different is to our benefit. It widens our view of life and we catch something in our periphery that begs to be acknowledged and brought into the fold. In sudden flexibility lies our betterment. We gain more confidence, we use dormant brain power, we build our trust in ourselves. And trust in ourselves is what will see us through the big changes.

Let's practice being flexible. At the drop of a hat. Let's notice when our fur rises and our carefully controlled world feels threatened. Let's do our very best to relax our body and our brain before that hat even reaches the floor. Staying relaxed is the beginning of flexibility. Quietly, yes, quietly, mull over the sudden change. Losing our power and our trust by drowning out possibilities with defensive rants is no longer an option. Listening to our own inner wisdom tell us how to respond, and not simply react, is the option we seek. Flexibility allows an empowered response to change and keeps us more safe than resistance. Flexible in mind and response, we reconcile opposition and live more comfortable lives.