Monday, March 15, 2010

From That State Of Being, All Else Will Come

For much of my life, I have been too easily influenced by the words of other people. By words, I mean opinions. I felt, in order to belong to a group, to my family, to a circle of friends, I had to assimilate their opinions and make them my own. In that often unconscious assimilation, I was accepted. In agreeing and going along with voices louder and more stern than my own, I was granted safety and hopefully, love. There were times the assimilation, the agreement, the capitulation almost killed me. Literally. That's when I awoke. That's when resistance to opinions began.

It has been a slow resistance. But it has been steady. I have walked away,  I have learned to shut doors, I have even refused to open some doors while others, with loud opinions, yanked and rattled the handles. There has been deep emotional pain with the walking and the shutting and the guard of my own sanctity. I have stepped outside the bounds of acceptance, seeming to risk my own safety and secure place in the world. But that place has been small and my soul has cried out to be big. Or at least to be free.

After much inner work and self doubt, after years of practiced self referral, I arrived at today. While driving route 5 under grey skies, returning home from mundane errands, a feeling and a thought rose up from my gut. I belong to myself. Finally. I have no need of groups of any kind to confirm my status and deservability. I need not belong anywhere, or with anyone to be loved. To be safe, to be grounded, to be privy to the limitless well of Universal love, I need only belong to me. I need only to trust, to know and to act. On behalf of myself. From that state of being, all else will come. The family, the groups and the freedom.

9 comments:

  1. you, my dear, are my hero.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Once again, my lady, we are on the same page. I also do not feel the same as yesterday and my feelings of questioning myself has eased after a lifetime of doing so. My being does not depend on the opinions of others. Sometimes it takes walking away, not everyone supports us or are able to. They have their own path to follow. We must follow our own.
    Thank you for this post.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Here's to a big place. Fill it up!!

    xo
    Debi

    ReplyDelete
  4. yes, all else will come...i love revelations like these, for me a few years ago it was, "the only person i can control is myself"...similar in the freedom i felt after that one hit me over the head...and i have been so much more content since.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Eureka!!!

    You found it!!!

    How wonderful!!!

    I, too, as you may have sensed, have been dealing with the same rite of passage. Yay, SUPER YAY, for us!

    Miss you, dear Kindred ~ and think of you often.

    xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

    ReplyDelete
  6. What a beautiful and breathtaking moment -- and wrapped inside the mundane, which just made it that much more powerful.

    :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Put your seat belt on...the Universe is with you now...

    ReplyDelete
  8. Anonymous3/21/2010

    amen!

    ReplyDelete

I always appreciate the time you take to comment on my blog. Thank you for stopping by. Peace from my heart to yours. xo, Graciel