Sunday, May 26, 2013
if you come to my door
you will be greeted
with a blank canvas on the wall.
because there is no image, no word
that defines the quality of the soul,
nor is there anything to be dragged
from one day to the next.
the blank canvas is
the benediction and the prayer
of the now.
Monday, May 20, 2013
mr. solly, the arabian boy
to the fox who wandered through my tiny town backyard,
to the orioles who came back and sing resplendent songs through my window,
and to mr. solly who made me unafraid of horses today with his gentle, gentle ways,
i thank you all for giving me lift and joy
by simply being your magnificent selves.
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
retablo, mala beads, male cardinal
These are the cardinal rules~
I am always learning. Emotions are not to be feared even when they terrify me. I have purpose even if I can't for the life of me remember what it is. Purpose shifts and transforms. Death is an end, but more so a beginning. Every moment is sacred because in the midst of everything there are mind-blowing miracles taking place. Broken hearts can be healed with effort. Nothing is a burden unless I decide it is. I can decide differently. The ability to see color is like winning the lottery every day. Silence is golden and birdsong is platinum. Beauty keeps my Soul inflated. Tea is Holy. Nature is my Church and my answer. If Love is the only reality, and it is, then I am always and forever going to be okay.
Saturday, May 11, 2013
May, 2011~ Bremen, Germany/ My Mutti and me
We went back to her homeland for Mother's Day
I did not realize this first Mother's day without her would trip me up to the extent it has. I am one kind word or inquiry away from a public irruption of tears that is the stuff of nightmares. I had no idea people would send messages, call and approach me at work to tell me they are thinking of me or to discuss my Mother.
I thought I was doing fine.
Until I realized I am not.
When do I stop automatically saying to myself. "Oh, I can't wait for her to see this one" when I press the shutter button on my camera? When do I understand she is not coming back?
A wise woman once told me, long before my Mother left, it takes at least 2 years to recover from the loss of one's Mother because, good or bad, it is the most significant relationship of a lifetime. I never forgot her words.
I no longer wear the black leather coat. I wear her green one instead.