May, 2011~ Bremen, Germany/ My Mutti and me
We went back to her homeland for Mother's Day
I did not realize this first Mother's day without her would trip me up to the extent it has. I am one kind word or inquiry away from a public irruption of tears that is the stuff of nightmares. I had no idea people would send messages, call and approach me at work to tell me they are thinking of me or to discuss my Mother.
I thought I was doing fine.
Until I realized I am not.
When do I stop automatically saying to myself. "Oh, I can't wait for her to see this one" when I press the shutter button on my camera? When do I understand she is not coming back?
A wise woman once told me, long before my Mother left, it takes at least 2 years to recover from the loss of one's Mother because, good or bad, it is the most significant relationship of a lifetime. I never forgot her words.
I no longer wear the black leather coat. I wear her green one instead.