Saturday, May 11, 2013

Mother's Day

 May, 2011~ Bremen, Germany/ My Mutti and me
We went back to her homeland for Mother's Day

I did not realize this first Mother's day without her would trip me up to the extent it has. I am one kind word or inquiry away from a public irruption of tears that is the stuff of nightmares. I had no idea people would send messages, call and approach me at work to tell me they are thinking of me or to discuss my Mother.

I thought I was doing fine.

Until I realized I am not.

When do I stop automatically saying to myself. "Oh, I can't wait for her to see this one" when I press the shutter button on my camera? When do I understand she is not coming back? 

A wise woman once told me, long before my Mother left, it takes at least 2 years to recover from the loss of one's Mother because, good or bad, it is the most significant relationship of a lifetime. I never forgot her words.

I no longer wear the black leather coat. I wear her green one instead.

5 comments:

  1. You, my dear kindred, were the first person who came to my mind as this day approached. My heart of hearts is with you. I love this photo ~ and that you are now wearing her green coat. My memories be of comfort to you at this time.

    I recently read that grief is a sign that we have loved well....and been loved. Your journey with Mutti continues to be an inspiration and example to me as I navigate days with my own mother. Bless you for your courage and authenticity.

    xoxoxo

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  2. Graciel, you ARE doing "fine." You are have normal, natural ups and downs. This is the path of grief. And I would hope that you never stop thinking, "I can't wait until she sees this one..." Someday you will just be at peace with the fact the she still sees them all. Much peace and love to you.

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  3. "When do I stop automatically saying to myself . . . ?" Michael asked me the same question after his father died. I think you don't. I just think the understanding comes easier.

    People are kind, and this hurts. 2 years out, but still, I avoided the cemetery yesterday. There is no timeline to this kind of grief.

    love you much.

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  4. I think that green goes just perfectly with your gorgeous hair, it is meant for you. I thought of you throughout the day, and send you hugs again, now.

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  5. The green coat is as beautiful on you as it was on her. Be comforted by her closeness when you wear it. I'll bet she'd like nothing more....

    XOXO

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I always appreciate the time you take to comment on my blog. Thank you for stopping by. Peace from my heart to yours. xo, Graciel