Sunday, September 20, 2009

Invisible Stars

For 22 non-stop years I have been "walking a spiritual path". I have been seeking to improve the quality of my life and gain enough know-how to avoid repeating some pretty painful patterns. I have actively sought the advice and wisdom of world religions. I have immersed myself in the too-many-to-count tributaries of metaphysics and new age rivers of thought. Books, seminars, meditation groups. Astrology charts, channeled opinions, psychic opinions. Oracle cards, crystals, dowsing pendulums. Auras, prayers, yoga, drum circles. I've done it, consulted it, lived it to the best of my ability.

All the while, those 22 years, Nature has been my companion; teaching me the language of instinct and flow and living in the moment. There have been countless consultations with trees and birds, sorrow lifted by waterfalls and rainbows, the peace of stillness found in stars.

Suddenly, everything seems to have fallen away. The books, the horoscopes, the opinions of others. Mercury in retro-grade means nothing. My interest has fallen to rock bottom, leaving me standing perfectly still after 22 years. Nature continues to be my greatest companion, though. Creeks and cats and prayers for the well being of Canada geese during hunting season. My nightly barefoot viewing of stars from my doorstep.

Having conditioned myself to seek and ask for so many years, I asked why complete disinterest has come. In asking, my eyes settled on a pot I had painted 7 years ago; the one I unearthed from a tote and felt the need to put magazines in just last month. A lamb looks up to the stars; I wrote these words on the rim:"Dear God~ may the stars which fill the sky fill me".

And so the answer came. Instantly. I am full. Of stars and starlight and rainbows. Of love. The time has past, after 22 years, of seeking for answers outside myself. Confidence has slowly accumulated and a solid foundation of trust in myself has been laid. The mantra I have heard of over and over again, that all answers lie within; I am ready to live that mantra. I am ready to continue my spiritual path and look to myself first. For all of it. Surely, I will keep on reading Mr. Chopra and his very wise friends, but in truth, I already know what they are going to say. I already know what to do to live a life of quality. I will continue to stumble and fall. I will continue to live at low tide at times. I will continue to address my fears. But now I know, yes, now I know, in the stillness of disinterest, I have always been my own best compass. I have always been filled with invisible stars.


  1. You will think I am making this up, but I am not. This post, this wonderful, open,at last I am here post made me cry. We are so much in the same place - I always laughingly say to people "oh, it is my partial Cherokee blood that makes me worship this tree, or stand silent under a limb full of owls to meditate" but I am in fact a tad serious when I say it; though it is a distant connection, I sometimes feel those ancestors standing next to me, nodding yes, yes. There is a prayer I have mentioned on my blog - I think - that is from a book I read yearly. It is East Indian - Muslim, Hindu, Sikh - I don't know. There is one line that speaks to me deep in my heart that says "Thou art everywhere but I worship thee here." I say that everytime I see the lake for the first time each spring, or tramping the woods in search of a Christmas tree, waking to a yard full of robins, laying in the hammock under a sky full of stars. Which fill me.

    You are so definitely filled with invisible stars. Even some visible ones.

    LOVE this post.
    :) Debi

  2. My Dear Debi,

    I wrote this post for YOU, as well as for me. In my hurry to get on with the many chores of my day ,I did not send you a note right away telling you to read this. Yes, that invisible force is made of invisible stars, as per your comment to mine on your blog.

    As I come back to my computer today, to send you that note, here you are already, with misty eyes. And reading that, along with your quote, made ME misty eyed!

    I'll meet you tonight in our own meadow. There we will twirl, arms spread wide, and rival the starlight of heaven.

    xo, Graciel

  3. Oh my...Can I swirl with you both?
    This is stunning. That is what Nature is telling us all a long. Guide yourself and let nature help you to go along. The trees the birds the foxes the flowers the clouds the rain the seasons simply all the is....Just is there for us. Embrase it. See it. Feel it.
    Thank you so much for sharing this wonderful feelings you've got from deep inside. Because of you because of your story you make us believe again also. Find strenght again in days we think we've lost it. I needed this even if I got just back from my moring walk in the mist forest with Storm I 'know' I felt it again. But is't always always so nice to hear others say it out loud.
    Be well, big big hugs from me to you my friend. I can't wait for it to be may and meet you, touch you, look you in your wonderful warm eyes. Dagmar

  4. I'm always amazed at how alike we are! I could have written this post (although not quite so eloquently). Today is my birthday and I've spent the past couple of weeks wondering why I no longer turn to spiritual reading, lectures, yoga classes. I kept thinking about how I've done all that and I was always brought back to myself for answers. What I discovered is that nothing fills me like nature. When I contemplate in nature, I'm spontaneously guided where I need to be, no questions needed, no answers to wait for. Thank you for this posting today.

  5. Yet another gem of profound and timely wisdom from your heart, through your keyboard, to my soul. Amazing!


    We are FULL!

    I will not stop seeking, either, you, I will turn first to myself.

    SO much continues to fall away from around me. It is quite scary at times. And yet I trust it is all necessary for my STAR to SHINE :-)

    Thank you, dear Graciel, for parting the trees and turning off the lights that blind our that we can see our own stars!

  6. Your words touch me deeply. You are truly made full of starlight.

  7. Wonderful wisdom! As we grow older, we grow wiser. It is inside us and outside us. Nature, abundant and always changing leads the way. You are an inspiration.


I always appreciate the time you take to comment on my blog. Thank you for stopping by. Peace from my heart to yours. xo, Graciel