Invisible Stars

For 22 non-stop years I have been "walking a spiritual path". I have been seeking to improve the quality of my life and gain enough know-how to avoid repeating some pretty painful patterns. I have actively sought the advice and wisdom of world religions. I have immersed myself in the too-many-to-count tributaries of metaphysics and new age rivers of thought. Books, seminars, meditation groups. Astrology charts, channeled opinions, psychic opinions. Oracle cards, crystals, dowsing pendulums. Auras, prayers, yoga, drum circles. I've done it, consulted it, lived it to the best of my ability.

All the while, those 22 years, Nature has been my companion; teaching me the language of instinct and flow and living in the moment. There have been countless consultations with trees and birds, sorrow lifted by waterfalls and rainbows, the peace of stillness found in stars.

Suddenly, everything seems to have fallen away. The books, the horoscopes, the opinions of others. Mercury in retro-grade means nothing. My interest has fallen to rock bottom, leaving me standing perfectly still after 22 years. Nature continues to be my greatest companion, though. Creeks and cats and prayers for the well being of Canada geese during hunting season. My nightly barefoot viewing of stars from my doorstep.

Having conditioned myself to seek and ask for so many years, I asked why complete disinterest has come. In asking, my eyes settled on a pot I had painted 7 years ago; the one I unearthed from a tote and felt the need to put magazines in just last month. A lamb looks up to the stars; I wrote these words on the rim:"Dear God~ may the stars which fill the sky fill me".

And so the answer came. Instantly. I am full. Of stars and starlight and rainbows. Of love. The time has past, after 22 years, of seeking for answers outside myself. Confidence has slowly accumulated and a solid foundation of trust in myself has been laid. The mantra I have heard of over and over again, that all answers lie within; I am ready to live that mantra. I am ready to continue my spiritual path and look to myself first. For all of it. Surely, I will keep on reading Mr. Chopra and his very wise friends, but in truth, I already know what they are going to say. I already know what to do to live a life of quality. I will continue to stumble and fall. I will continue to live at low tide at times. I will continue to address my fears. But now I know, yes, now I know, in the stillness of disinterest, I have always been my own best compass. I have always been filled with invisible stars.