What now? What am I supposed to do now? I exist in 2 worlds. I can't get enough sleep. I dreamed of him for hours last night; being together, being separated in a crowd, finding a black boot full of aquamarine rings~ the rings he wanted to give to me, carrying the boot and searching, searching the crowd to be with him again. What is my truth? What will it take to reach for it, live for it, declare it everywhere I turn? Even the Sitting Tree does not soothe me. Nor do the carpets of leaves that rustle and whisper and stick to my boots. If leaves and trees hold no sway, what am I supposed to do now?
Are you tired of hearing of the city by the sea? I have more to say. Can you stand it?
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteIn your space, you get to choose who, what and where you talk about and for how long, don't you? But as an enthralled reader, I say, bring it on - I'm loving it! My sister worked in Istanbul for a while and I was lucky enough to visit her there - beautiful, romantic, magical place. And with the addition of a Gypsy King... no wonder your heart's still yearning to be there.
ReplyDeleteGraciel, Home is where the heart is...
ReplyDeleteYou have hit the point of existence, which is what I call it. You don't understand who you are, because, really, you aren't any of the things you are holding on to. Really you are all of it and your body is reacting to everything your own body "thought" you were. You are changing and you're body is "afraid". This is really vague,you are all you thought you were, but those comforts aren't enough, you ARE MORE.
ReplyDeleteI love reading all you have to say about this, and I love reading the wonderful comments from everyone. I haven't mentioned it, because we've talked before about being on the same point (or vibe or whatever), and it felt silly, but after you returned from Istanbul, I was at a parade here in town, and the first floats and cars, etc., etc., were about Turkey. There was a person walking carrying the Turkish flag. As it turns out, this school has some kind of "branch" (?) in Turkey - new this year, and they were celebrating that. It felt like a continuation of your blog, albeit a somewhat goofy one, parading in front of me.
ReplyDeleteI take it as a sign. Tell your tales, Scherezade, and I will get comfy.
:) Debi
Oh, can I stand it?!! Your words are my favorite to read each night...I love to follow...well to follow the words of Your Love. it is beautiful and makes me want to say, "Follow that star. Make the step for LOVE. Love calls for courage." You know what to do now, you really do.
ReplyDeleteWhat now, indeed.
ReplyDeleteYes, I can absolutely stand to hear more! I would sit with you for hours, days, weeks to soak in the truths of your heart and soul.
Breathe.
Stay present.
Listen to the dreams of your heart.
Take baby steps (or giant leaps even) towards the light.
Lovesickness is a necessary chapter in the book that is our Dark Nights.
We are broken open to previously unknown depths and, as you are witnessing, even the 'usual' things cannot soothe our new, raw, gaping wounds.
I am sending you love and peace, dear kindred.
What now?
ReplyDeleteLOVE.
What is required of you? Are you prepared to do it?
Then do it!!! You must. For the sake of happiness, you must.
Hope to see you on the ninth, for dinner, in Buffalo. Your choice, we land at 4pm. Tell us where to go, we'll be there.
xoxo
Oh I am so happy to hear more of your tales of the gypsy King and I really hope you can find some solution that will bring your two worlds together.
ReplyDeleteJust you go girl. Spread your wings and fly to us. I'm here to listen to all of your wonderful stories. If only I could set your heart free so you could be together forever in the crowd. I'll be thinking of you lots. Sweet blessings Dagmar
ReplyDeleteFallen leaves, twisted roots and trunks; you're working it out...we can not only stand it, we expect you to carry us with you on this journey.
ReplyDelete