Thursday, December 30, 2010
in the beginning was the word
it has been an unforgettable year. a year i chose the word "soul" as my guide and my map. that word, that way, was everywhere for me.
it rose up with the unexpected and compelling need to better the lives of 4 stray cats. it revealed its breath-taking force of animation and its singular, unbending process of decision as i witnessed my grandmother's death. mostly, it revealed how under-wraps it has lived within me for 45 years. and it showed me, repeatedly, in no uncertain way, what i had to do and concede to make it more visible and allow it to breathe more life into my life.
for what felt like great stretches of time, this has been an emotionally difficult year. so many of my ridiculous defenses had to be smashed to bits. from misunderstandings while visiting the cusp of asia, to an army of fleas that forced a level of attention to cleaning i'd rather never repeat, to assessing boundaries, to too much cancer in my family, to the december car accident that flat-bedded my car off into the dark, to the truth and the larger truth and the unbending trust in myself.
i do not mistake an emotionally difficult year with a bad one. it has, instead, been a good and powerful year. a decade of lessons was compressed into 12 short months. i consider myself fortunate.
and so, with my soul fortified and leanings toward more visibility, i peer ahead to twenty eleven. it will be another good year. with great care and understanding of the force unleashed in adopting a word-map to guide me forward, i choose a new word.
actually, i choose two.
in twenty eleven, i choose joy and i choose family. plans are already in the works for the regular invocation of joy, and concentrated care for my mother's continuing journey with cancer. as well, i will let the idea of family expand and fill my heart. i will let myself be surprised. i will let myself be warmed and welcomed and safe.
for you, what ever helps you to know yourself more deeply and more compassionately is what i wish for your year ahead. trust your instincts. be brave. laugh at yourself. and sleep well.