in the beginning was the word

it has been an unforgettable year. a year i chose the word "soul" as my guide and my map. that word, that way, was everywhere for me.

it rose up with the unexpected and compelling need to better the lives of 4 stray cats. it revealed its breath-taking force of animation and its singular, unbending process of decision as i witnessed my grandmother's death. mostly, it revealed how under-wraps it has lived within me for 45 years. and it showed me, repeatedly, in no uncertain way, what i had to do and concede to make it more visible and allow it to breathe more life into my life.

for what felt like great stretches of time, this has been an emotionally difficult year. so many of my ridiculous defenses had to be smashed to bits. from misunderstandings while visiting the cusp of asia, to an army of fleas that forced a level of attention to cleaning i'd rather never repeat, to assessing boundaries, to too much cancer in my family, to the december car accident that flat-bedded my car off into the dark, to the truth and the larger truth and the unbending trust in myself.

i do not mistake an emotionally difficult year with a bad one. it has, instead, been a good and  powerful year. a decade of lessons was compressed into 12 short months. i consider myself fortunate.

and so, with my soul fortified and leanings toward more visibility, i peer ahead to twenty eleven. it will be another good year. with great care and understanding of the force unleashed in adopting a word-map to guide me forward, i choose a new word.

actually, i choose two.

in twenty eleven, i choose joy and i choose family. plans are already in the works for the regular invocation of joy, and concentrated care for my mother's continuing journey with cancer. as well, i will let the idea of family expand and fill my heart. i will let myself be surprised. i will let myself be warmed and welcomed and safe.

for you, what ever helps you to know yourself more deeply and more compassionately is what i wish for your year ahead. trust your instincts. be brave. laugh at yourself. and sleep well.

there is too much sugar

there is stillness and formulation and

scribbles of what i'd like to invoke.

there is too much sugar coursing through my veins.

there is a need for rest.

and the need to gently let go.

december 25th

carry this day forward.

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Feast.

Let your efforts be enough.

Be the Child,

the hope and the love.




{thank you for spending december with me.}

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My Wish For You

This Christmas, if you have lost someone dear to your heart, I wish for you 3 moments of peace amid the sadness. Just 3 small moments where the pain recedes and the presence of your loved one is palpable in the glow of white lights.

This Christmas, if you are alone, I wish for you the knowledge that God is always with you. Stillness and candle flame and a quiet mind will invoke for you whispers in your heart that confirm your worth and love-ability. Be still until you hear "I love you, Child" at the very edges of your awareness. Know you are never truly alone.

This Christmas, if you spend it with family, forgive everyone their foibles and dare to see them as individual human beings doing their best to live a valued life. Just one day of removing judgements and "shoulds" and expectations, just one short day of seeing them exactly as they are, will produce miracles. In you.
This Christmas, if you receive everything on your list, or you receive nothing on your list, or you had no list to begin with, I wish for you the most over-looked and critical gift that exists. Your breath. And its continued flow. Without your breath and the life-animating force it carries, you would have no lists to enjoy or aspire to or choose to never write.

Breathe deep the scents of the season. Breathe deep the love that time and space cannot erase. Breathe deep the God-force within and around you. Breathe deep the miracle of forgiveness. This Christmas, inhale love. Exhale peace.

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let's be open to the mystery

without needing to figure it out.

let's allow myth to be reality

and give us permission to be  

who we long to be.

when that longing is met,

there lies our comfort and joy.

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the flame in your heart, 

your golden heart,

is the sun whose return

we await.

Happy Winter Solstice

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warmth is the secret ingredient to successful,

fulfilling relations. warm attitudes, warm greetings,

genuine interest and concern make all the difference,

all the difference, in how we treat and are treated in return.

we begin by extending warmth to ourselves, respect to ourselves.

when we are warmed from within, we naturally radiate outward.

it is warmth that bonds us together.

it is warmth that begets love.

and love is the bread of life.

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no lasting peace, salvation or love

is possible without the foundation and strength

of the willing feminine light.

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there is no scene nor season that is more extraordinary than you.

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the good stuff?

this month, this winter, pour it on.  

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christmas has come early for me. it came via istanbul,

from the lovely nihal of crossroads blog.

nihal offered a little give-away back in november

and the stars aligned for me to be chosen.

what arrived was a beautifully presented compact disk

of tarkan's fabulous turkish groove.

{excuse me, but is he not seriously hot?}

along with the music came a hand-made origami crane,

a coin, a turkish tea bag and a wee note.

thank you, dear nihal. i love all of it.

burl ives and bing will now have to wait,

i've got a new way to get toasty this season.

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no to excess.

simple is my seasonal invocation.

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it was raining when it should have been snowing.

the street was empty when there should have been crowds.

the much-lauded, vintage decorations were disappointing,

 some, more suited for all hallow's eve.

but we went, even when it made no sense to go.

we made our own fun with cameras in hand.

and we laughed.

Go.

Even when it shirks logic and comfort.

Go find out for yourself.

Laugh.

Be surprised.

Let it be good.

Your thrill with this world is up to you.

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do not be afraid of the softness in your soul.

that softness is your strength,

your delectable interface with the world.

embrace it.

learn to work with it.

allow yourself to rise.

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reverence and awe can be found

in so many places.

this season, this month, this moment

i want you to find them in yourself.

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whether you are experiencing tradition or change,

let your season be sweet.

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The birds they sang

at the break of day

Start again

I heard them say

Don't dwell on what

has passed away

or what is yet to be.

Ah the wars they will

be fought again

The holy dove

She will be caught again

bought and sold

and bought again

the dove is never free.

Ring the bells that still can ring

Forget your perfect offering

There is a crack in everything

That's how the light gets in.

Anthem by, Leonard Cohen

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pray for yourself.

have faith in yourself.

ask for what you need.

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miracles happen when expectations are released.

 

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let us not forget our common origins.

the 6-pointed star preceded the 5.

we are all waiting.

waiting to be saved.

if we would only realize,

the 6 point, the 5 point and the star with sickle,

love is the only thing that will save us.

and it is already here.

{stained glass star. presbyterian church window.

buffalo, new york.}

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Happy St. Nicholas Day!

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we each have a unique light.

when our lights are brought together,

in love and cooperation,

evil is set ablaze.

and vanishes.

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there is a peace that animals offer i can find no where else.

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one's heart is the truest sanctuary.

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 what i want most is to remember and to feel, again, the wonder.

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a treasured tradition of my childhood holidays is the advent calendar. one little door to open or one small gift to unwrap for the 24 days leading up to christmas. this season, i offer a countdown calendar, of sorts, for you. 24 days of random images, maybe a saying or a poem, possibly some longer posts that need to spill out of my heart. each day, a little door to open with the click of your mouse.

join me, if you will.


{i took this photo at the swamps while watching the canada geese. this image is my reminder that in the colder, darker days of the year, truth and purity of the self is the focus. those things that are hidden, those things about ourselves that make us cringe and shy away from public view, are very often, the most beautiful parts of ourselves in disguise. the bones of our soul have a magic of their own. and the light. in the darkest days of the year is the time to make our own light.}