Thursday, August 27, 2009

Maps Of Change

I have spent considerable time noticing clouds this year. I have wondered why this year, this summer, they have captured my attention more than any time previous. And then the poet, May Swenson, whose collection of words found their way into my hands recently, answered my question when she wrote of clouds. She referred to them as maps of change. Yes. Most certainly, they signal change for me. In that change, I sense death. In that death, I scan the skies and wait silently for new life.

Is it because I am mid-way into my 40's that the sudden death of old ways of thinking lie scattered on the ground like rain-soaked bones, or is it my accumulated inner strength has reached the perfect water mark to drown my tenacious ways that no longer serve? Regardless of age or perfect timing or the tipping point of inner strength, I can no longer invest my thoughts and devotion and precious energy into things and projects, and even some people, that no longer serve me. If I am honest with myself, so many of the projects, and yes, some of the people, never served me to begin with. Equal reciprocity was never forthcoming and my addictive impulse to give more and more and more in the direction of semi-hopeless causes has come close to being the death of me.

But today, I choose a different kind of death. I willingly choose a death that promises rebirth. I choose to scatter my energies no more. I call back to myself loving devotion that has been misplaced. I spread my open hands over my own heart. I wait inside this pause as thoughts and energies redirect themselves in ways I cannot begin to imagine. I have no answers for myself. I have only the sudden urge to let go.

Clouds continue to billow and drift, mapping my change, redirecting my ways and keeping my head aloft.


  1. There is something in the air, or perhaps the stars are aligning a certain way. I made the same vow a few weeks ago, with no clear idea of where I wanted to be, where I wanted to go, but knowing I needed to take that first step - to jettison cargo, as I put it - to float free. I have not regretted it. Neither will you.


    OH! My word verification is unded. un-dead? ended? Totally different meanings, yet each meaning the same. Surely a sign.

  2. Oh my God...Graciel and Debi, you've put my thoughts into words. Yes Yes Yes I think it's something floating in the sky's. I did too feel the change that is entering my life. That I choose to let it overcome me. I wanna float into new born things, shake off some sort of old coat as a matter of speak. Hmmm, sigh... I just have to let it go...

    Thank you both for sharing. Dagmar

  3. OMG.

    I am stunned at the profound beauty in your words ~ and their utter relevancy for this time in my life as well.

    I, too, have taken more photos of clouds this past year (starting June '08) than any previous period of my life.

    This is amazing! YOU are amazing!

    Thank you for sharing your journey so honestly and eloquently, dear Graciel.

    Hugs of healing, cleansing, strengthening, dying, and rebirthing to you...

  4. Something about your post touched me deeply. I wish you a glorious rebirth.

  5. You sound as though you are through wasting your precious time.
    I don't blame you!

    You are choosing truth, and that is always the way of LIFE.

    Clouds are great markers but you need only listen to your heart.
    I think you have and now you are ready for the next step.

    Much love friend. Gillian xox

  6. I have a whole journal entry that could turn into a mini short story about my focus on clouds this summer. How is it that so many of us found our eyes scanning the skies? I love it. I also feel that change for me also. It is a rebirth. I am grateful for that and for your honesty here for yourself and for others who relate to this.

  7. When I cloud-gaze I'm like a child playing the cloud game. It's such fun to watch them shift shapes.


I always appreciate the time you take to comment on my blog. Thank you for stopping by. Peace from my heart to yours. xo, Graciel