i am finding it takes a certain amount of courage to clean the slate. the back-of-the-drawer-discoveries, combined with the in-plain-sight-what-the-hell-do-i-still-need-that-for realizations require backbone to keep inertia and confusion at bay. momentum can so easily get bogged down in sentimentality.
but progress is being made.
the old clothes dryer is gone (unexpectedly), and a new one tumbles in its place. the old car is gone (expectedly and requiring the most muster of courage) and a much newer one sits in the driveway, in front of the garage, not in it, so i can peek at it out the window. the table linen drawers have been reduced to one, the vintage suitcases with some one else's initials wait outside the door for removal, the manuals for things i no longer own are recycled.
the process continues.
part of me feels woozy. part of me feels the light beginning to pour forth from the cracks in the fortress of second-hand clutter. and part of me is hyper aware of the correlation between the things I am removing physically and the thoughts i keep cluttered in my brain that no longer serve me. they must be put to the curb as well, or the clean slate i strive for will not stay clean for long.
it is a vulnerable time.
it is a necessary time.
it is a time and a quest for full blown trust in myself.
{photo: the last wash of my now former car.}
You know, I am really thinking perhaps we met in a lifetime past. I am purging now, too. The setiment is so very hard to go past. I try every month when the Moon is in Virgo, to clear stuff. It is hard for us watery ones. But, really, do we need it? or just the thought of it?
ReplyDeleteI am very good at tossing things - oddly. But there is still too much stuff for my space and it always gets down to those old letters and this old that and old LPs which I have stored at work. My mother tosses nothing and says we will have to deal with it when she's gone. I always tell her it will be sold - LOL! She thinks I'm kidding.
ReplyDeleteI am impressed and inspired. Old clothes need to go.
xoxo
Debi
Oh, good for you! I was forced into cleansing beginning in '98 when we had a huge flood here, my apt. roof caved in & I, along with thousands of others in my city, were looking for new lodging all at once. I took 15 bags to Goodwill, 10 boxes of books to a resale store & threw away a mountain.
ReplyDeleteI've tried to not let too much stack back up, but it is impossible~quilt accoutremont, beads, jewelery, paints etc.
*sigh*
"it is a time and a quest for full blown trust in myself."
ReplyDeleteI LOVE that. And it is that time, for you, and for me and for a lot of us.
I need to do what you are doing, I started a year ago, and went through the whole house, but I feel like I need to do it again, dig deeper, get rid of more. I feel like the space has become more important than the stuff.
The breathing room.