Sunday, July 25, 2010

Little Griefs

If you are having a hard time with yourself, I understand. If you are cycling through the same, tired emotional responses to life and think you can't bear the turmoil or the shame for one more minute, I understand. If you make the decision to heave yourself out of the muck and things get worse, I mean worse than you could have imagined when all you wanted was serenity, take my hand. We can slump to the floor together, cry rivers of tears and swim  back to the surface as one. I understand.

The hard times and the annoyances are little griefs that were never expressed and never healed. These little griefs became emotional wounds that infected our minds and bodies. They play themselves out over and over again, trying to get our attention, trying to make us aware of just where our boundaries were shattered and love was denied. We need to set things right. And only we, ourselves to ourselves, can heal the wounds that have kept us overly cautious and afraid.

In our quest to heal those little griefs, our skin might feel flayed. We might feel criticized on all fronts, unable to relate to even our most trusted allies. We may seek solace in the nothing-but-honest-and-wholly-perfect company of cats or dogs or nature at large. We must find ways to safely express our love while we work through the task of remembering those 2 or 3 events from so long ago that  have dictated our responses in the decades since. We must give ourselves permission to grieve the lost child or the abandonment or the rejection or the humiliation. We must feel the loss and the sorrow without shame, we must give ourselves the love, now, that was denied at the time. That love, that self-acceptance will help us burst to the other side and claim ourselves.

It is a messy process, that reclamation. It takes time and patience. It takes determination to witness the neuroses of one's own mind and respond with compassion. Self-judgment will rise again and again. Giving up will seem  the best option. I understand. But seek, instead, those pockets of safety; the dogs and the cats, those novels, the knitting, the games and mind-relaxing crafts. Moving our bodies, as well, will help release the grief stuck in our muscles and cells. Dance, run, stretch, spin.

Do not give up.

Do not give in.

We have spent our lives giving in to the lie of not being enough. We ARE enough and only we, ourselves to ourselves, can declare that and live that from this day forward. Or tomorrow forward. Or whatever day we allow ourselves to pass beyond the grief and begin the sacred task of respecting and loving our beautiful and wholly-perfect selves.

{Blue and Creamsicle; two of my outlets for solace and love.}


  1. "The hard times and the annoyances are little griefs that were never expressed and never healed."

    you are growing. you are right. thank you for this.


  2. We do bury the stuff that hurts us, I think. Then it pops up unexpectedly later in our lives. Well written post, Graciel.

    Love the photo of Blue and Creamsicle. I'm sure they feel your love as well as return it to you.

    Happy Sunday to you, my friend.

  3. may nobody ever separate those cats...

  4. The other night, I wrote this: "The hurt that oozes out through our pores as we sleep, we think it's sweat." You made me think of that, here. All we do, all our lives, is learn. it never ends and that is the very best thing. We learn good things and bad things, and hopefully we learn, at some point, to only hold onto the good ones and let the bad ones go.
    And to enjoy anything, anything at all, that is a good one.

  5. I have read this over and over. Tears welling each time. Thank you for this. It is a gift.

  6. you coax my soul into song

    and this can be handed down to
    all generations

    thank you ~ your quivering arrows did not miss their mark with all that love

  7. so right on. thank you ..

  8. well, it's settled. apparently, it's YOU who should be writing the book! your talent is showing. and i'm loving it.

  9. thank you. so hitting home right now...and thank to jen gray for sending me this link.
    hugs to all...

  10. I really needed to read this today Graciel... it just hits the spot! I will NOT give in or give up. Thanks so much for writing this dear friend.

    A very Happy Weekend to you.. and Blue and Creamsicle!


I always appreciate the time you take to comment on my blog. Thank you for stopping by. Peace from my heart to yours. xo, Graciel