Sunday, November 29, 2009

Half Way To Crazy

I'm half way to crazy. I'm hoping not to slide the whole way. With a foot each in 2 worlds, my stability is currently questionable. Sometimes I can laugh about it. Sometimes I'm just a mess. New territories, new directions can cause backlash and a re-visitation of worn-out self preservation tactics. My irrational dark side is having a field day. The Gypsy King is having to employ his well-honed skills of patience, understanding and human psychology. He is handling everything quite well. I, on the other hand, exhaust myself.

Forward movement, releasing the past and staying in the moment simultaneously is a challenge for me. Often, I go 3 steps forward and 2 steps back. Often, I forget who I am and how to help myself.

But eventually, there is a pause in the jagged, hyperventilating pulse of dark thoughts in my brain. In that pause the grace of God whispers practical wisdom. "Go wash your dishes. Water your plants. Unfurl your dusty yoga mat." No earth shattering revelations, just gentle clues of how to calm myself down and make room for the happiness of sanity once more.

So, I will continue to face forward. I will spend time on my kitchen floor, staring at my humming, white picture journal~ the dreams I intend to make manifest. And I will play in my brain the words of the Gypsy King, as said to me last night~ "Just live right now in the happiness that some one loves you. Everything will come in its right time."

{Images from my refrigerator picture journal: a tarot card 10 of cups to invoke lasting contentment, joy in simplicity and happy family life. A flower arranging room in my home, ala Martha Stewart, to practice the art of floral design beyond my day job and just for me.}


  1. Hugs to you, Graciel. I think the Gypsy King gave you good advice--to take joy in what you have at the moment. I do understand your eagerness and wish to push ahead to the future though and how frustrating it is to know some things must wait for the right time.

  2. Such good advice...for all of us. Thank you Gypsy King!

    I'm holding the dream for you too Graciel. One miracle has already happened...that you found each why not another, and another and another? We are alchemists with our thoughts after all!

  3. I am sending you balancing thoughts and grounded strange and disorienting that must feel to be with the Gypsy King in your heart and to find your feet somewhere else.

  4. The Gypsy King is very wise-act on his advice I would say. You will get there in the end. Change is never easy.

  5. Inhale.

    IMO, sanity and holding it together are VERY overrated! How can we live the song of our soul if we keep clinging to what we know? Old systems are falling apart and NEED to be radically transformed into NEW ways of BEing in the world. (This is why I knew in my being that if made perfect sense for you and Gypsy King to be connected!)

    I'm reading and re-reading The Untethered Soul. It speaks to me in moments of distress and confusion. It reassures me I am on the 'right' path and will be okay.

    I KNOW the same is true for you, dear one. And, of course, I would be worried if you weren't feeling all of these things! It's all quite normal under the circumstances. :-)


    Living without apology or explanation (to yourself or others).

    Om Swaha.

  6. Feeling those emotions are so important for you. Know they pass and the peace of beauty returns is the gift here. Breathe. Just breathe. With love to you--OM.

  7. I've always loved the suit of Cups. So.

    You work through things so thoroughly...I envy you that. You have patience, this will come to fruition as a result of your process.
    Hang in.


  8. Oh sweet Graciel, I feel for you, and my heart goes out to you my friend. Print out those words the Gipsy King said: Live right now in the happiness that some one loves you....and for sure everything will fall into place on the right time.

    Cry when you want to, laugh when there is laughter and open you heart to ALL there is in this world.Love will come to you so easily. And do keep talking trough blog...I'm hear to be an anker for you when you need one not to drift off. You'll be in my thoughts. Sweet dear hugs from me to you.

  9. i think most of us, if we admit it, are halfway to crazy most of the time. your journal will carry you far. writing is the new praying.


I always appreciate the time you take to comment on my blog. Thank you for stopping by. Peace from my heart to yours. xo, Graciel