Half Way To Crazy

I'm half way to crazy. I'm hoping not to slide the whole way. With a foot each in 2 worlds, my stability is currently questionable. Sometimes I can laugh about it. Sometimes I'm just a mess. New territories, new directions can cause backlash and a re-visitation of worn-out self preservation tactics. My irrational dark side is having a field day. The Gypsy King is having to employ his well-honed skills of patience, understanding and human psychology. He is handling everything quite well. I, on the other hand, exhaust myself.

Forward movement, releasing the past and staying in the moment simultaneously is a challenge for me. Often, I go 3 steps forward and 2 steps back. Often, I forget who I am and how to help myself.

But eventually, there is a pause in the jagged, hyperventilating pulse of dark thoughts in my brain. In that pause the grace of God whispers practical wisdom. "Go wash your dishes. Water your plants. Unfurl your dusty yoga mat." No earth shattering revelations, just gentle clues of how to calm myself down and make room for the happiness of sanity once more.

So, I will continue to face forward. I will spend time on my kitchen floor, staring at my humming, white picture journal~ the dreams I intend to make manifest. And I will play in my brain the words of the Gypsy King, as said to me last night~ "Just live right now in the happiness that some one loves you. Everything will come in its right time."

{Images from my refrigerator picture journal: a tarot card 10 of cups to invoke lasting contentment, joy in simplicity and happy family life. A flower arranging room in my home, ala Martha Stewart, to practice the art of floral design beyond my day job and just for me.}