Friday, September 29, 2006
Inner shifts are not always easy. To move from one way of being to another, to advance the quality of one's Soul, one must often endure chaos and sadness and paralyzing doubt. One must often be purified in the fires of uncertainty. Nerves and tears and the desire to remain curled in a fetal position are part and parcel of great inner shifts. So are unexpected events that reveal our hidden fears. Fears of loss, fears of inadequacy, fears of love being flushed away.
My current inner shift has involved the unexpected illness of both of my cats. First Raindance, seemingly on the road to recovery, and now Romance. Sudden and swift in her descent. It remains to be seen if her aging soul has agreed to pass with me through this current shift. I'm holding vigil. I'm holding out hope. But what I'm truly holding out for is a state of surrender.
For any inner shift to happen, for any positive, lasting forward movement to occur, one must let go of the illusion of control. One must let go of the safety of the known. One must let go of the toe-hold on the edge of the cliff, surrender to the invisible thermals and fall forward into the void.
In that state of brave surrender, wings will emerge. Strength will emerge. Acceptance of the ebb and flow of life will emerge. And most profoundly, a deeper awareness of God will emerge. In that awareness, one remembers inadequacy is impossible. Loss is an illusion. And love is the blood and the breath of one's Soul.