Monday, December 10, 2012

advent {day 10}

there is no mistaking the miraculous.

yesterday afternoon i heard on the radio of a christmas concert. it started at 4pm. it was a concert my mother and i had hoped to attend. with no thought to anything else, i got dressed, put on her ring, spritzed her perfume over my head and went.

arriving at the church, i scanned the seating options and decided immediately on a very small pew tucked against the far right wall. i simply wished to be alone and inconspicuous while listening. the church filled, 2 ladies sat behind me and every one else chose to sit in the center sections.

this was the concert of the chamber choir, vocalis. a choir committed to performing a cappella music of all eras. i had never heard them before. as the choir filed in, they walked up the 2 outermost aisles. they did not, however, take the stage. they stayed in the aisles and turned to face the center sections. the end of the choir line stopped at my little pew, with a petite brunette facing away from me.

the director suddenly raised his arms and the men began to sing what i instantly recognized as chant music. 11th century plainchant to be precise. immediately, my heart felt squeezed. i have listened to chant via mechanical means for years and years, never in person. certainly, never up close. and then, then, the petite brunette opened her mouth and the sweetest soprano sounds flowed out of her and without warning, i burst into tears.

i found i could not stop for the entire song. and the horror of only one crumpled tissue in my purse. eventually, the choir made it to the stage and i managed to dry my face, hoping i was still inconspicuous. then, they sang "silent night", my mother's favorite song, and my cheeks were wet again.

after intermission, the choir filed in through the altar doorway. thank goodness. but no. a few songs in, and with not a corner of the lone tissue to spare, once again they filed down the aisle. once again the petite brunette turned her back to me and pierced me with her voice. my tears fell to my lap. one of the men in the choir was watching me. alone and inconspicuous was done.

i have known that music has the power to rearrange our very cells, to change our vibration and to heal. i believe a collective of human voices, singing certain notes, can alter lives for the good. now, not only do i believe, i know. because many hours later i can still feel the effects within me of the collective songs they sung. it feels uncomfortable, yet nothing short of grace bestowed.

with her ring on my hand and the songs in my heart, the next phase of my healing has begun.


  1. Anonymous12/10/2012

    This piece COVERED me in goosebumps.

    You knew that my depression was SEVERE when I would stop listening to music, because I knew it would heal me and when I was deep into the dark, I did not want healing. Like so many humans.

    Luckily that just doesn't happen anymore.

    Now I know, if I am feeling badly to be extra aware of the music I DO listen to.

  2. what a lovely story. i so agree, music opens up something in us like nothing else can.

    years ago my sister and i went to see Lion King (the play) and in the opening act we both burst into tears, for no reason whatsoever. i couldn't stop crying throughout the entire song.

    you have a reason for your tears, but i am glad that it took you to that next phase, glad you found that solace.

  3. Music has affected me (especially music I hear in church)this way often. Hugs to you, Graciel. I am glad you found some healing there.

  4. Christina Rainville12/11/2012

    Thats wonderful you went and were so moved, don;t be ashamed that you cried. What an excellent compliment to the choir for moving you so, I'm sure they were not offended!

  5. This is so incredibly special and beautiful. With your amazing writing spirit, I was sitting right there with you in the pew, taking it all in. Bless you, dear one, for your strength & courage on your continued healing journey. xoxoxo

  6. i commented on this the day you posted it, but i see my post has disappeared. ah well, never mind.

    i said this image was amazing and i said yes, the healing had begun, and i said other things, but that was then. today i will tell you that last night i didn't go to an old christmas movie showing at a small theater because i knew i would cry. i thought of you.



I always appreciate the time you take to comment on my blog. Thank you for stopping by. Peace from my heart to yours. xo, Graciel