advent {day 10}

there is no mistaking the miraculous.

yesterday afternoon i heard on the radio of a christmas concert. it started at 4pm. it was a concert my mother and i had hoped to attend. with no thought to anything else, i got dressed, put on her ring, spritzed her perfume over my head and went.

arriving at the church, i scanned the seating options and decided immediately on a very small pew tucked against the far right wall. i simply wished to be alone and inconspicuous while listening. the church filled, 2 ladies sat behind me and every one else chose to sit in the center sections.

this was the concert of the chamber choir, vocalis. a choir committed to performing a cappella music of all eras. i had never heard them before. as the choir filed in, they walked up the 2 outermost aisles. they did not, however, take the stage. they stayed in the aisles and turned to face the center sections. the end of the choir line stopped at my little pew, with a petite brunette facing away from me.

the director suddenly raised his arms and the men began to sing what i instantly recognized as chant music. 11th century plainchant to be precise. immediately, my heart felt squeezed. i have listened to chant via mechanical means for years and years, never in person. certainly, never up close. and then, then, the petite brunette opened her mouth and the sweetest soprano sounds flowed out of her and without warning, i burst into tears.

i found i could not stop for the entire song. and the horror of only one crumpled tissue in my purse. eventually, the choir made it to the stage and i managed to dry my face, hoping i was still inconspicuous. then, they sang "silent night", my mother's favorite song, and my cheeks were wet again.

after intermission, the choir filed in through the altar doorway. thank goodness. but no. a few songs in, and with not a corner of the lone tissue to spare, once again they filed down the aisle. once again the petite brunette turned her back to me and pierced me with her voice. my tears fell to my lap. one of the men in the choir was watching me. alone and inconspicuous was done.

i have known that music has the power to rearrange our very cells, to change our vibration and to heal. i believe a collective of human voices, singing certain notes, can alter lives for the good. now, not only do i believe, i know. because many hours later i can still feel the effects within me of the collective songs they sung. it feels uncomfortable, yet nothing short of grace bestowed.

with her ring on my hand and the songs in my heart, the next phase of my healing has begun.