Sunday, January 21, 2007

Soul Food

This is my favorite meal on planet earth. This is German Soul Food. This is Pfutchens and Wine Soup. Waistlines be damned, clogged arteries be damned, when the call goes out in my family that my beloved Oma is making the meal of meals you can bet your life I will show up at her dining room table. You can bet your life I have eaten very little else beforehand to allow for proper gorging. If I have a date with you, if your goldfish is dying, if you think you need me to help you through some crisis in your life, rest assured, if pfutchens and wine soup are suddenly on the menu, you and your date, you and your flushable goldfish, you and your crisis will be unceremoniously dropped like a hot potato. With no apologies. I'm that selfish about soul food.

The meal is ingenious. You get to eat dessert first. Trans-fats, white sugar and alcohol make up the better part of the first course. Hot wine soup is made up of a bottle of white wine and loads of dried fruit. It is the nectar of the Gods and the cure-all for constipation. Pfutchens (the "p" is silent) are deep fried balls of dough. Fried in Crisco. Here's the beautiful part: you eat the wine soup and pfutchens at the same time, both piping hot. Load a pile of sugar on your little plate and dip each hot dough ball into the pile, being sure to over-coat it, and bite off as much as you can chew. Swallow. Smile. Dip your spoon into the bowl of alcohol and slurp it down. Swoon. Repeat process until your pants must be unbuttoned.

The second course is equally ingenious. It's salty breakfast. Fried potatoes, onions, turkey bacon and eggs all scrambled together to perfectly balance out the sugar-rush in your system. This is cholesterol heaven. At this point, zippers are becoming an issue on your pants.

If this meal is being served up by an old-school German, there will be a third course. Traditional dessert. Likely some outrageously sinful torte with whipped cream topping. Despite difficulty in breathing and muffled groans being uttered at the table, I recommend soldiering onward and finishing the last morsel. Only then can you claim to have spent an evening at the Gastronome's Paradise Diner. Only then will you understand why I left you crying on the phone and waiting in the rain at the show.


  1. Anonymous1/21/2007

    Oh! Schmoo, aren't you so lucky to have been licking your lips with the sweet tastes of Pfutchens und Weinsuppe! I was having no troubles with my 13 day fast until I read this post. 9 days to go....

  2. Be strong, my dearest Sweetie Pea. Be strong. Really, if you must know, it wasn't all tha good this time...(this is me lying through my teeth to make you feel better.)

  3. Anonymous1/21/2007

    I adore German food and somehow I have managed to never have eaten these particular meals you speak of. I feel a mission coming on. :-)

  4. Anonymous1/21/2007

    Like you could actually convince me with, "it was not good this time." There is NO such thing. I think once I am finished with my fast, I will be making the treasured dish. Just perfect after a detox fast!! ha
    Of course, I would prefer the morsels to be prepared by the master herself. I just don't think I can wait that long.
    PS Folks, I don't think you will find the recipe for this treasured dish. I have only ever known it to be something Oma has made.

  5. Just to taunt you my dear SP, I have the authentic recipe written down on a cheesy political scratchpad from Lancaster,NY. I hovered over the German master and wrote the coveted proportions down 2 years ago. That cheesy scratchpad is now under lock and key. Anyone wanting the recipe will have to come up with some serious bribes... money and illicit favors for starters. :)

  6. You've made me so hungry I think I'll get up and make breakfast. I wish I had an Oma who could cook like that. K

  7. oh my friend, that sounds *heavenly* !!

  8. Anonymous1/23/2007

    HA! No taunting here. I have had the very same coveted recipe for well over a decade. I remember making the divine dish at the Sunset Beach house. So, for those bribes,you will have to rely on the weaknesses of those poor tormented souls who now slumber with visions of Pfutchens dancing in their heads.
    Süße Träume, meine Liebe.

    PS BTW: just how many times have you put that recipe to good use?? hmmmmm

  9. Anonymous10/31/2008

    I don't have anything to bribe all of you secret pfutchen recipe holders, but I would love to have it. My grandmother used to make pfutchens for New Year's day. She would put dates inside some of them or roll them in sugar and cinnamon. If you would be so kind, please send the recipe to


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