Saturday, October 28, 2006
After any storm, there comes the void. The pause in time when the inner and outer landscapes are irrevocably altered. When all must be reconceived, redefined, reborn. Like the storm-battered trees around Buffalo, I have spilt apart from myself. Old limbs, old issues, old doubts, all visibly piled around me. Some issues and doubts have been ground up and carted away. Some are piled at the curb awaiting removal. Some are still attached and dangling.
For weeks I have watched myself from across the room, standing guard as I wrestle with the broken limbs of my past. The broken limbs that have weighed me down and blocked my path to a greater realization of love. While wrestling and hauling and grinding my inner debris, I have felt hollow. I have felt weak. Information has been withheld. Decisions have not come easy. Commitment to anything has been impossible.
Just when I thought the void was permanent, I hear myself from across the room. I say clearly and definitively, "Vade Mecum". Come with me. I offer myself red roses and beckon myself to step beyond the broken limbs, broken dreams, and broken hearts. I lead my reconceived, redefined and reborn self back to my shelves of metaphysical books. Back to my canvases and papers. Back to my computer. Back to the heart that will never abandon me. My own.