I have very low blood pressure. Today, however, my blood pressure was so high, it was just below normal. After 4 1/2 hours of uninterrupted stress at work, I felt sick. The feeling lasted for the rest of the day. I came home, put on my "I need comfort now" navy blue t-shirt and crawled into bed.
The stress was due to the imagined idea that everyone's best effort at work was suddenly not good enough. The owners of the company were coming in from out of town, on 24 hours notice. Everything ran at a fevered pitch until they arrived. Everything had to be perfect. Everything had to be better than our best. As if our collective best was unacceptable.
How nit-picky. How unrealistic. How exhausting.
I didn't know what to make of this day. I didn't know what to do about my frustration, my pounding head, my wish to never repeat this level of stress. It was almost sunset before the light finally dawned.
I finally remembered that everything that happens outside of me is a mirror for what is happening inside of me. No exceptions. My relationship with myself, my personal view of the world, is forever reflected back to me on a moment to moment basis. I can never escape myself. If I am at peace with myself, I create and am involved with peace-filled moments, hours, days or weeks. If I am frustrated with myself or angry with myself, I will sure-as-shit attract people and circumstances that frustrate and anger me. I am my own bane and my own salvation.
Sometimes, to get the point across that I am being way unreasonable with myself, the Universe kindly steps in and magnifies my circumstances to the ridiculous. Like today. So I'll get the message loud and clear, and finally notice how nit-picky, unrealistic and exhausting I am being with myself. So I'll stop declaring that my best is not good enough. So I'll start accepting and loving and cherishing myself just the way I am.