Sunday, October 05, 2008

Dreams and Doubts

I have many wishes and dreams and hopes. I have varied talents and abilities. I have loose ideas of how to manifest my dreams using my talents. I have pictures in my mind of what those dreams will look like and feel like. What I also have are doubts.
I have doubts in my ability to follow through. Doubts that what I have to offer has value. Doubts that I will lose myself in the unfolding process. Doubts that I can shed the reclusive cloak of safety long enough to bask in the manifestation of a dream come true. Doubts I can stay present in the dream and hold it long enough for good to be done.
And so I am stuck. Paints and papers lie dormant. Photos remain hidden. Words are suppressed. Plans for gatherings to heal and share and blossom remain unexplored. I am stuck in a world of doubt.
But this I know: no other woman on earth can give to the world what I alone was sent to give through my authentic gifts. If I do not rise above my doubts and fears, a piece of the healing puzzle will go missing. A spark will never turn to flame and warm waiting hearts. I will spend the rest of my days pregnant and uncomfortable, never giving birth to the full purpose of my soul. That scares me more than death. To live an unfulfilled life.
Today I am asking God and angels and my own higher self to help me release my fears and doubts. To help me burst the bonds of a cloaked creative life. To help me understand how flowers and tea and art and words and compassion can meld into a life that takes flight. A life that shines and shares the flame of God within.
{And do you know, no other person on earth can give to the world what YOU alone were sent to gve through your authentic gifts...}
Update: Through my sniffles and shared thoughts of doubt over the phone he said to me, "Honey, the answer to everything for you right now is to believe in yourself. It's that simple. Just believe in yourself". Well, ain't that somethin'. And he's right.

8 comments:

  1. Thanks for sharing your doubts and fears...there are many of us with those same doubts. You're not alone.

    It's so good that others can hold the vision for us of who we are and what we're capable of, when the filter of doubt clouds our own vision.

    (These are beautiful flower arrangements...did you do them? Is this one of your gifts?)

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  2. As always, Kate, I love hearing from you. I shared my doubts because I figured I'm not totally alone in having them. Thank you for confirming me.

    And yes, the salt mines I go to 5 days a week are really the flower mines. One ability I have: floral designer.

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  3. Thank you for such a beautiful piece of inspirational self-examination. I too have long kept my talents under a bushel, but recently I've taken them out. This may sound trivial to some, but my special gift is playing keyboards in bands. At age 62 I have once again plunged back into the world of professional music by joining a classic rock band. I think we all need to pay more attention to that still small voice.

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  4. It is frustrating to feel inspired and unsure at the same time. Believing in yourself is indeed the key. No matter what the results--just making the effort is much more of a success than sitting on your talents and keeping them buried. Go ahead and be creative and express yourself. Generally, for me, even if my efforts don't meet my expectations, they still lead to further inspiration and further efforts. I really enjoyed this post.

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  5. Ah' Graciel, me' bloggy friend from sooo far in dreamy dreamy enchanted land that I so long to see.....Though I do not know who you really are, I want you to know that here..in front of me is a martini glass...filled to the brim with green mango shake...chilled and chased with an exotic blend of guyabano extract..it tastes like heaven....

    And I am getting another glass and pouring one for you, pretending that you are with me...Drink, for the reason that this post - has made us one! Cheers!

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  6. just believe in yourself, how true that is, but how hard it can be on days where you just want to stay in bed and scowl at the seemingly bitter world. just last night i was talking to kevin and asked him his thoughts on why life has to be sooo UP and sooo down, why can't life always be good! sigh. i can be so moody and fall flat to the floor somedays, feeling small and insecure, and fearful... but then there are those good days that make up for that, thank god. we are all connected, we all have these feelings, these pains, these days... know you are not alone when you feel this way!
    and your words to me last night on my post meant so much, lifted me up and made me feel lighter. thank you for that!
    you are in my thoughts and i believe in you!
    xo

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  7. Add to your list of talents a way with words. You express yourself beautifully in a way with which we can all identify. That's a rare gift! Uncloak your creative side, and take the leap of faith. Kindred souls will shore you up!

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  8. Yes believe in yourself.
    But more importantly, for me this works...living in the NOW. Really doing it, not just saying that. Breathe each breath...smell each smell...feel what you are touching...smile at everyone....stand up a little straighter....be present in your own body....send out love vibes with your aura.
    It all works. Just be walking talking LOVE.
    Yes!
    xox
    You can do it.
    November 12. Tea and chats...coming soon!

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I always appreciate the time you take to comment on my blog. Thank you for stopping by. Peace from my heart to yours. xo, Graciel