Sunday, October 07, 2007

After Despair

"After despair, many hopes flourish
just as after rain
thousands of roses open.
Surrender to the Almighty~
and be led into life."
Jelaluddin Rumi

I have lived this year in a mist of despair. It comes, it goes, it comes again. It burns away when sunshine rises, then floats back on silent wings and settles at my feet, obscuring the ground I walk on. Recently, the mist became a fog. The fog was thick with loss and illusions of lack of love. Headlights and streetlights and years of accumulated spiritual light would not shine the fog away, nor open a path that led beyond it. As the fog pressed closer and the dampness of despair became a constant drip, that still, small voice ~the ever-present savior within~ whispered its 11th hour wisdom.

The whisper, the foglight, repeated a passage from a book I read recently: "Go after God like a man whose head is on fire goes after water". It was the only thing left for me to do. The only sane thing left to do. And so I sat down. Literally. On my pink yoga brick cushioned with a blanket, legs crossed in front of me, palms up and open on my knees. I sat for 2 hours the first night. Just sat with my eyes open, looking at the lit green candle on the other side of the room. 6 nights in a row now I have sat on my pink brick. I have gone after God with a passion. The same passion that could not seemingly find a foundation and drew the fog around me, is now fueling the hot, pregnant silence where Creation lives. That silence, I have found, has alot to say.

Sitting in silence, I was told: The greatest longing is for intimacy with one's self. We seek intimacy with others as a portal to our pure essence, our individual expression of God. We seek intimacy with others, in a sometimes addictive manner, because it feels so damn good to be in the presence of our best self, our happiest self. But we cannot expect or need our fix for happiness to be supplied by another. It must come from within. We must learn what it is to be intimate with ourselves, to care deeply for ourselves, to bring ourselves roses. For we are the Beloved we are seeking. We are the chalice that holds the pure, sweet essence that is God. We are the Holy Grail unto ourselves.

In a relationship, when things are going well, we feel our own love shining forth onto the other. It is our own love, shared and poured forth, that gives us the high and the quenching. It is the sensation of the love within us rising up through our veins and flooding itself out into the world that we crave. We crave approval from ourselves, acceptance from ourselves, and unconditional love from ourselves. No one else's love or approval can hold a candle to that of our own. Because when we approve and accept and love, we have drunk from the well within that is God. And there is no other goal in life but to drink deeply and continually from that singular expression of Creation that we are.

When two Beings who are versed in intimacy with the self come together, there does Nirvana lie. There does Heaven sweep over the earth. There does God's Promised Land evolve

It is now the 7th day after despair. My roses are opening and I am allowing myself, through silence, to be led into Life. To go after God. To quench my thirst with my own love.


  1. The flowers are stunning!!

  2. SugarFree Seer10/10/2007

    When you send your 'self love' to another, to create, to feel Nirvana, you are repeating exactly what God did to create us. When someone rejects that 'self love' it hurts us deeply not because they don't want your love, it's because your 'self love' is leaving YOU. Whether it be a partner dumping you or a loved one passing on. Your 'self love' has left YOU, not that the Being has left you. But we have an Endless supply of 'self love' waiting to be taped! The true nature of God. No other Beings in the Universe have this ability.
    So glad you found the Well!
    Make sense? Shakespear I am not.

  3. Dear Sugarfree~
    Babe, you are one of the few who "get" me. Your comment rocks and so do you.

    Got my red shoes on while drinking at the well... ;)

  4. Thank you so much for listing this beautiful, entire quote, and for the description of the "mists of despair." And I thought I was the only one! Yet recently, just as described in Rumi's beautiful quote, for some reason the roses in my life have started to open as well. Be well, my friend, and I'll post a link from here to my blog. Wonderful reading. Your friend in Art & Spirit, Catherine Todd

    After despair, many hopes fourish just as after darkness thousands of suns open and start to shine. ~ Rumi

    "After despair, many hopes flourish
    just as after rain
    thousands of roses open.
    Surrender to the Almighty~
    and be led into life."

    ~ Jelaluddin Rumi

  5. Hello! You wrote on my blog:

    "2 days or 2 years ago, you posted a comment on my blog. "Ater Despair" it was called,with a poem by Rumi. I just now, march 7, 2009, found your lovely comment. I wanted you to know how much I appreciate your kind words.

    Blessings from my heart to yours,
    Graciel of Evenstar Art"

    Thank you so much! I am very glad you appreciated what I wrote... as much as I appreciated finding your entry!

    I also thought I'd mention how to format the date to INCLUDE the year. It gets very confusing when one doesn't know when others have responded. I don't know why Google blog doesn't include the year as the default choice, but they don't. Most people don't know how to change the timestamp on their blog, yet it's very easy.


    1. Go to blog Layout mode
    2. Click on the Settings Tab
    3. Go down to Timestamp Format, click on the right arrow, and select the time format you want.

    I use the one with the date and time (3/15/-09 1:30 AM) or the day and date (Sunday, March 15, 2009).

    Changing the Timestamp Format may be retroactive. Give it a try and see!

    Thanks so much for writing... Your friend in "Art & Spirit," Catherine Todd

    P.S. I am recording piano for the first time in my life and it's posted on You may like it (and it's a free download):


I always appreciate the time you take to comment on my blog. Thank you for stopping by. Peace from my heart to yours. xo, Graciel