a world made new

 

          succulents, roses, hypericum bouquet

There will be change.
You will cease to know your carefully laid-out world once the diagnosis comes.
You will fall to your knees in its wake.

The change will be painful and you will suck air through your teeth
over and over again.
You and she and they will not be the same.
You will feel shocked and clobbered by the
shifting and robbing of customs and personalities.
Your heart will break a fragment at a time, all along the irrevocable journey.

You will mourn the loss of all the small things
~the things and ways of blind comfort~
as one by one they become pronounced by their lack. 

There will be change and some of it will be glorious.
Yes, glorious.
Because when the diagnosis comes, walls and barriers extinguish.
Words and gestures tumble forth and strength beyond reason is revealed.
The truth of each soul affected is laid out before them
 and choices half-stalled are set loose.

In the words and the strength and the setting loose,
whether the diagnosis is overcome or not,
a great healing arrives;
a healing that finds its way to you and she and they
to lift the wings of your souls and carry you forward,
broken and whole,
into the ways of a world made new.

{originally published in my autumn soul in bloom magazine last year.}

and then there was grace

parkside candies, buffalo, ny

it came unexpectedly, the state called grace, showing up in my presence as she toddled into the kitchen; skirt, cane, full make up, smile. she had rallied for our possible date to the zoo. one last chance to see her beloved giraffes. she knows the end is near, but it would not be this day. this day there were memories to be made.

like magic, like grace, the 3 giraffes clustered into the back corner of their domain seemingly to look just at us. the yellow and black bird waiting for us as we wheeled off the lift in the rainforest. the lion that roared and despite the crowd, looked solely in our direction.

then lunch, because she is still interested in eating, at the deliciously-trapped-in-time candy store. she bought forty fours dollars worth of chocolate to take home, with glee like i have never seen. we took pictures of her and me in the half round booth, just a bit fuzzy, but treasures for my heart.

we walked slowly, hand in hand, to the lot in the back. half way there she sang, unexpectedly, one single sentence to me~ "all is well with my soul."

and there it was again, grace unlooked for and grace received. a day to never forget and the knowing that all will be well with our souls.

the profusion of birds

I have been counting the swallowtail butterflies. There are more than I ever remember. 3 days ago there were 3, and on that same day there were 9 turkey vultures hovering over the Canadian border as I waited my turn at the tolls. 3 for joy, 9 for endings.

The first-ever flicker at my bird bath, the cardinal, close by and beginning his molt, singing for all he was worth. The profusion of mourning doves. The singular bat.

I sat in the back, in the hot wind last evening. There were no birds, no bat. Only the winds of change blowing over me, long past dark.

She is leaving.

She is leaving me.


There is the mess of my heart splitting open as we walk to the border holding hands, waiting on the profusion of birds that signal final flight.

the dragonfly view

on the way

almost there

 

there

 in

in these days of other mothers dying and the ache from too much work, there is the lake, little and spring fed. there is the family who shares the good fortune with open invitation and the reluctant bathing suit, avoided for decades, finally bought (all of 5 minutes spent picking it out, because at this age who cares anyway). 

and the noodles. pink and green from dollar general. 

it took substantial time to get in. this is not my element, swimming. 

but noodling, oh noodling (!), with dearest family paddling along, the lake to be crossed, then shores to be trolled, dragonfly view with lips submerged, kicking, kicking, unhurried, wet, soothed, paradise found.

at last, paradise found.

as above, so below

Stars & Stripes Forever

THIS is Mayberry in holiday mode.

The kiddy coaster, the fried dough and

the "I Got It" caller announcing ball 7

all to the tune of one of my favorite songs

 played by the ever-enthusiastic

 Mayberry Community Band.

Happy Birthday, America!

the potted garden

in the early mornings, in the potted garden

 with tea under a crisp cerulean sky,

there are no disagreements, no sides taken,

 no poverty, no lack of soul.

there are wrens singing the live-long day,

 orioles ushering babies from limb to limb,

robins stealing raspberries off the vine.

and the monarch,

 imbibing and dancing on clover

for 12 undistracted minutes.

let the ugly world spin on its own

 in a parallel universe.

let this world,

 this world of color and song and peace,

be what fills me and calls my regard.