I have been counting the swallowtail butterflies. There are more than I ever remember. 3 days ago there were 3, and on that same day there were 9 turkey vultures hovering over the Canadian border as I waited my turn at the tolls. 3 for joy, 9 for endings.
The first-ever flicker at my bird bath, the cardinal, close by and beginning his molt, singing for all he was worth. The profusion of mourning doves. The singular bat.
I sat in the back, in the hot wind last evening. There were no birds, no bat. Only the winds of change blowing over me, long past dark.
She is leaving.
She is leaving me.
There is the mess of my heart splitting open as we walk to the border holding hands, waiting on the profusion of birds that signal final flight.
this brought me to tears. that heartbreaking damn border. it just makes me angry and sad, but this i know. the birds return and they bring gifts. the wind will carry messages.
ReplyDeletei am here, which changes nothing, but i am here.
i love you with the fullest of hearts.
Wishing for a peaceful and comfortable journey. You are in my thoughts... :(
ReplyDeletethinking of you these last few days. I wish for you strength and calm as these days come to an end. xoxo
ReplyDeleteOh. I echo what the previous commenters have said. I am sending love, light, presence, comfort and peace to you across the water ~ on wings, wind and waves.
ReplyDeletexoxoxo
Always thinking of you and praying for you.
ReplyDeleteAlso sending you love and light. This post breaks open my heart and I hear my own lament. She has left. She has left me. It's a little ache always in my heart for my Grandma, the woman at the center of my soul always. Oh how I miss her. Seven years later and the longing is no less.
ReplyDeleteThere will be more beauty, more love, more wonderful days ahead for you and you will carry her spirit within you. That soul connection will never end.