Sunday, August 03, 2008
A Sweet and White Romance
The clock is ticking. It's winding down. I'm waiting for the final bell to toll. The bell that chimes and ends my long and love-filled days of Romance. It has been 4 days since my beloved cat, Romance, has chosen to eat. She has told me it is not a matter of if she will go, but when she will go. She has been unhappy since her favorite servant, Rain Dance, went on to new adventures and left her behind. She has cried and begged for food non-stop since May. Then, 2 weeks ago she told me she needed a new companion. Being dutiful to the Queen, I began my search and found her a new subject on the first try. Only, now I understand the new subject was for me all along. Romance had plans and needed to be sure I was taken care of before she could depart. And so she has become a bag of sweet, little bones, purring and reassuring me God's plan is in order. I am in hospice-mode, doing everything in my power to make her comfortable. Guarding her, kissing her, cleaning her as her bodily functions break down,and keeping water bowls filled. I'm crying buckets too. Through the weepy hours, I remind her of the first mouse she ever slew and dropped so proudly on my bed at 3 am; of her inspiring ability to play with pipe cleaners for hours, of the motor-boat purrs and big pink ears that melted my heart everyday. I remind her how, since the day we found each other, she has filled my life with love and grace for 11 years. Nature is more wise than me. I am doing my level best to honor the progression of the natural order unfolding in my home. But I am loathe to let some one I love suffer. In posing the question of "what should I do?" to my experienced cat-friend, Lisa, she replied, "She has been with you for a very long time, and if you follow your heart now, you won't be wrong. Listen to her, and listen to yourself, and do whatever you think will bring you both the most peace. Every decision that you make is made with love, and therefore, can't be the wrong choice." Will I wait for the bell to toll on its own or will I decide to ring it? I don't know in this moment. It is not the moment to decide. I am too weepy and am contemplating my great appreciation for the gifts she gave everyday. But answers will come in one form or another, and Lisa's advice will cradle my heart in these, my last moments of a sweet and white Romance.