It's so easy to focus on the annoying, disappointing and seemingly wrong behavior exhibited in our friends and relations. It's so easy to find fault. It's so easy to blame. It's so easy to take the low road with sweeping judgments. It's time we collectively take the high road and focus on the good behavior, the kind behavior of our friends and relations. Even if it is rarely exhibited. Even if it is regularly sunk beneath the muck of fear. Because what we focus on, what we choose to hold in our minds regarding ourselves, our friends and our relations has the power to call forth the best or the worst. The truth or the falseness. The love or the not-love.
I once struck up a friendship with a European man. We came to know each other through correspondence. His letters were kind and respectful and fascinating. He opened up a new world for me with his European viewpoint and approach to life. I believe I did the same for him. We eventually met and spent a glorious day together, talking non-stop as if we were old friends. His presence felt so comfortable. So wonderful. We met again and again and again. Eventually, fears arose and the meetings became less comfortable and more stressful. Then they stopped and our friendship hung in mid-air, waiting for definition and clarification. It never came.
Although I'm not fond of unfinished business and even less fond of heartache, I have chosen to remember and focus on the original kindness and old-friend-comfort whenever he crosses my mind. Because that's who this man is. I witnessed the truth of this person. I witnessed the love he carries in his heart. Everything else I might have witnessed is false. Everything else is love suppressed by fear. Everything else is an illusion I choose not to focus on. This choice may never bring resolution to our stunted friendship, but that doesn't matter. What matters is that I hold the best possible version of this man in my heart and mind. This will help to empower him and me to move forward in our lives and be less fearful with future friends and relations.
Love is our only truth. Everything else is false. Is an illusion. Is the antithesis of who we are. The cranky pants, the lies, the hurtful words, the indifference~ we are not those things, those behaviors. We are not our fears, no matter how often and how strongly they arise. We are pure love at the core of our being. We are kindness and respect. We are compassion and caring. We are better than we think we are. Our friends and relations are better than we sometimes give them credit for. Let's choose to focus on the goodness and the love we have witnessed in each other. Let's call forth our collective best. Let's be the truth that will heal and empower the world.