Thursday, May 25, 2006

The Pope Is Annoyed

Our dear Pope Innocent the 3rd is annoyed. Since returning triumphant from the Fatherland, he has been relegated to his hanging plastic box on the door of a paint cabinet. He is immobile, stifled and is threatening to break out his pitchfork-studded cranky pants. If one looks at his plastic box from a certain angle, it appears that the middle finger of his left hand is slightly more raised than the other digits. I believe, under his pointy pontifical hat, the tops of his ears are about to burst into flames. This will not do.

It seems dear Innocent was so captivated by the constant attention he received while abroad, he is suffering from "center-stage withdrawl". This is not a Pope who will suffer the view from the chorus line. For him, it's all about the spotlight.

After much pious consideration on my part, and valued opinions from the rest of his flock, it was decided that he should be cloned. This would allow his Holy See-ness to once again ride shot-gun in my purse~ ready at a moments notice for all ring-kissing occasions and center stage adventures.

I decided to cover my pious posterior by investigating what category of sin one would find cloning. I first googled "Venial" sin. It appears they are the forgivable ones. However, no mention of cloning in the long list of applicable affronts. Somehow, I thought there was a category called " Cardinal" sins. It sounds rather friendly. Sadly, I was mistaken. I was left with no alternative but to peek behind the black velvet curtain labeled "Mortal" sin. Yikes! I held my breath and almost turned blue as I scrolled down the exhaustive list of "no Heaven for you, Bubb" sins. Amazingly, not a single mention of cloning!

I had high hopes that the Pope and me were in the clear. Without further ado or worries of going to Hell in a rusted bucket, I quickly placed the top-secret order with the subterranian cloning lab in Eastern Iceland. We now anxiously await the arrival of our stand-in Pope, aka Dolly the 3rd.

On a regretful note, despite his forthcoming freedom, I'm afraid the Pope may choose to keep on his cranky pants once I remind him that "Drunkeness" was listed behind the black velvet curtain. And that his Papal Pilsener Portrait will likely get him a seat on the crowded bus to hell.

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