from where i stand, the world does not look the same.
because i am thinking differently.
because my mind is more open.
my understanding, larger.
watching some one die, slowly, is like taking a hand-crank can opener to your brain.
fussy forms of thinking and analyzing gain jagged, bleeding edges until you simply must
rip the old lid off, exposing your grey matter to chaos.
eventually, a protective sheath forms to filter out
the dust particles and leaf mush,
but there will never be a lid again.
you have no choice but to remain open.
and figure out what the hell to do next, knowing what you know.
there looms large the absurdity of material possessions.
the ones that became utterly useless, devoid of purpose and meaning in the slow blink of an eye.
what to do with them, hers and yours.
how much do you really need?
how much do you keep for honor and sentimentality?
my god, where do you put it all?
a shoebox of photos and a ring would suffice.
it's paralyzing.
let it all sit, just where it is.
pray for strength and clarity.
reach for your new life in any way you can. an open mind is a wonder.
my god. i read your words and know i am not alone. all the things i let go still so unimportant. all the things i own ditto. so little really matters.
ReplyDeleteyou have no choice but to remain open.
love you.
i have certainly felt less alone in all this, because of you having walked the path before me. like an absurd, horrifying (and yet freeing) yellow brick road.
Deletelove you for sure.
Ah...I recognize all of this...the processing and creation of the New Normal. And the thing is, it's painful and SO VERY WORTH IT. Sending so much love and light...
ReplyDeleteYour imagery resonates with my own experience,
ReplyDeleteIt breaks you open, like we talked about at dinner.
After the fog of trauma clears you begin to see your world in a different light,
and little by little joy begins to appear just over the horizon,
a new perspective slowly dawns,
and for a while you see the world like a newborn.
The simple joy of living can take your breath away,
because you know how precious is the gift of life.
Arnie~ bless you for this. xo
DeleteWhat a gift you have to share you special words and heart.
ReplyDeleteLet is sit for sure and the time will come when you can move forward.
Sending you more hugs and love. I come here and wish I had more to offer, more to say. You are in my thoughts often, and yes it is a wonder. Even the darkness in life has its own beauty. Sending you some warm autumn light.
ReplyDelete