Today we gather to celebrate her birthday. There will be chocolate cake with her name in pink icing and the last 2 jars of her signature brandied peaches. There will be tears.
But there have been long moments of mercy this passing week~ the regularity of work and the kind souls keeping track of me, a hug and empathy from her oncologist who also lost parents to colon cancer, flowers from a friend, a gift of home made wine, greeting cards filled with words of understanding and remembrances, conversations with friends around a food-laden table, and the irreplaceable comfort of cats.
Make no mistake, there has been searing pain as the reality of her absence sinks in. Yet, the field of possibility I sensed back in July is beginning to make itself known. I have no direction, just vague inklings. My camera might find its way back into my handbag. Little trips to newness might occur.
The redtail hawk on the phone pole, who swooped in a dipping arc to the next pole, said to me, "Fly forward."
You and your mom are in my thoughts today, dear Graciel. A time to mourn, still... and time to celebrate this wonderful individual who had such a profound impact in your life. Your beginning of the year of "firsts" began a month ago.... mine began yesterday. It hurts, these days of salty tears and firsts will continue for awhile, but somehow we keep going and remember that these special mom's wouldn't want us to dwell, but celebrate. I will raise my glass to toast them both... and we will prop each other up, as needed. XOXOX
ReplyDeleteContinued {{hugs}} of love to you, my friend.
ReplyDeleteI am lighting a candle now in honor of the day of her birth. And a second candle (a new, woodsy scent I just brought home from the store....where I, too, saw a hawk on a telephone line) to help light your way forward.
xoxoxo
i read this yesterday but could find no words. i'm not sure i have any today. but i was so happy that her birthday was celebrated, sad it came so soon.
ReplyDeletebut the hawk. yes. yes.
yes, I can only echo debi's words, and the hawk's... forward.
ReplyDeletexoxo