Monday, May 30, 2011

let glimpses become steady sight

little church face, northern germany

i have not known whether to stay or go. there is turmoil and there is uncertainty and yes, nothing is certain. there is doing for others and there is the almost-loss of self in that doing. balance has tipped to the left. i forget who i am and wonder, if indeed i ever knew. i catch glimpses of my soul, lit and luscious, and i run towards that light like a woman being chased. but the glimpse is pulled sharply into shadows and i remember i have forgotten how to shine just for me. how to shine just for me.

i start projects and get tangled in wanting to please and do right and make a difference and i forget that the only difference that matters is if my own soul is pleased. it is hard to unlearn the giving away and the silent begging for approval. it is hard to stand straight in my own truth and my own version of justice and peace. i slouch so much i know very well what crawls on the ground and so little of what flies overhead. look up, i say, look up.  then, look straight ahead and shun the advice, well-meaning and bad, from voices along the parade route.

everything comes together in the allegiance to my self. i have forgotten that pledge, but today is as good as any other to remember. to start over on those projects and stay. to start over and go, as well. let glimpses become steady sight. let the pleasing be just for me.


  1. "Let glimpses become steady sight". I love that. Yes, isn't it true that each of us, in our innermost selves, recapitulate that old evolution poster~~one celled organism that is carried by a fluid medium with no volition, through many, many changes, eventually we walk upright & self-referential.
    Amen to your arising, sister.

  2. Beautifully said. I see myself in some of your words.

    Hugs of blessing as you continue on your Journey. :)

  3. oh my dear. sweet graciel. this is powerful. heartstoppingly beautifully written and full of those awful truths that are true nonetheless. it is damn hard to unlearn the giving away, to learn to keep something for ourselves. it will come, i know, and it seems like forever, but it will come. we are in this together.

    love you much!!

  4. I love that photo. that balance is so hard to find in life, the pleasing oneself and the interacting with others.
    The other day at the blue muse, I wrote this:
    "Wings are made to fly, but birds have feet for a reason.


    Here's hoping we are all able to find some...

  5. Did I write this post? I swear I did. Those words are in my mind. Exactly those words. I think I'll carry them around with me today. Rereading. Reminding myself. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I'm looking up. I'm looking straight ahead.

  6. I think I've spent my whole life in " silent begging for approval" :(


I always appreciate the time you take to comment on my blog. Thank you for stopping by. Peace from my heart to yours. xo, Graciel