Tuesday, August 29, 2006

The Innocent Buddha

Pope Innocent the 3rd, our open-minded Papal Action Figure, is thinking of shaving his head. Not only will his pointy Pontifical hat fit more snuggly, but he feels his chances for Enlightenment will be greatly enhanced. With shaving cream and razor at the ready, the Pope is preparing himself for his date with destiny. 21 days from now. At the University of Buffalo, in Western New York. At precisely 3pm. On that day-of-days, Pope Innocent the 3rd will have an audience with His Holiness the Dalai Lama.

To be more precise ,the Pope will be in the audience, along with 30,000 other quivering fans, as the 14th reincarnation of the Buddha of Compassion gives his Holy Lesson in the UB Bulls football stadium. Despite the odds and the security, the Pope feels his chances of meeting his "Homey Lama" are quite good. Especially if he dyes his Papal robe saffron, along with shaving his head.

The Pope has spent many late nights perfecting his Lite-Brite mandala and transcribing excerpts from the Book of Kells onto red and orange prayer flags. He hopes to give these little works of art to his Homey as gifts of gratitude and honor. The Pope has also been engrossed in the Dalai Lama's book , Live In A Better Way , and has refrained from killing any bugs. He's even put aside his carnivorous tendencies in anticipation of his initiation into Enlightenment. The only glitch in his preparations has been the hamstring pull he suffered while trying to get into the lotus position for meditation. He will likely be beyond hobbling before the day-of-days.

Pope Innocent the 3rd knows what a great blessing it will be to be in the presence of His Holiness the Dalai Lama. He knows it will be an even greater blessing to receive his teachings. 22 days from now, you just may see a bald Pope in a saffron robe at the Continental Airways ticket counter, heading for Tibet. Prayer flags streaming from his bag, and an "I Love My Lama" button on his hat.

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