trout lily
i am waiting, still, for the spark to return. i am used to a project, a cause, a lurch toward something. But all things within and without remain quiet.
there are so many layers to this coming down and coming down from pointed focus and casualty.
i carry on.
i am seen.
but i am not the same and i have yet to discover all the ways in which that is true.
i do find i am able to see my habits and defenses more clearly in all this quiet. my tactics for self-preservation make me laugh and wince.
in this ongoing beginning disguised as an end, i am coming to know myself better. in that knowing, more choices present themselves. even if i feel smaller than ever before, a promise of great renewal has infused itself in the layers of coming down.
in the soft light of spring, the only important question is how well do i mother myself.
The truth in your words always teaches me something. One of the things I love about you. Xoxo
ReplyDeletedoes it feel as if you are spread all over everything and everywhere, but really nowhere at all? that all those layers are not lined up correctly (whatever correctly might be)? that every day they move just the tiniest bit towards alignment, knowing they will never stack exactly right? for me, that is true - reading your words made me realize that even now, 2 years down the road, i am not lined up the way i once was, and of course not. i shouldn't be. and that it's okay.
ReplyDeletethank you. xoxoxox