Wednesday, June 21, 2006
I've been trying to get into my own head. Analyze the conscious and the unconscious. Find out more about what makes me tick. Become more aware of my foibles and inhibiting habits. Get a check-up from the neck-up. Know myself. All in an attempt to invoke a more positive, fruitful life.
Yes, I should be exploring my heart, not my mind. My heart is the proverbial final frontier I've been told. The key to unlocking the sunken treasure. Or maybe Pandora's box. But old habits die slowly, so like an addict sucking on the bones of crushed cigarettes in an ash tray, I'm feverishly exploiting my brain for clues on how to fine tune my life. Eventually, I'll wear myself out and get repulsed by the taste of stale nicotine. Until then, the grey matter is in overdrive.
In addition to a consultation with a wise woman about how to build a bridge, my whirling brain has received a brief message from an angel, via a psychic, my handwriting has been analyzed and my palm has been read.
The angel said I need to say the word "No" more often, and suggested I get a massage. I've suddenly become very fond of the angelic realm. ( I plan to google Gabriel). The handwriting analyst gave me the good news I'm not a serial killer. But she repeatedly declared I'm a control freak. This was not a news flash. I live in my brain, sister. Of course I want everything my way! Conveniently, the handwriting analyst doubled as the palm reader. She told me my heart was left for dust by a past lover, but the rains were on their way and my heart would soon be flooded with love again. And just to confirm my freak-status, the palm reader told me I have two fate lines. She had no idea what to make of this.
Here's my guess. After way too much analysis, I think the lines represent the two lives I can choose to live. One life is lived mostly in the brain. The other life is lived in sweet compromise with a heart, a brain and a bridge. I believe that's the self I will choose to know. A self that's a little less controlling, but still a freak at heart.
Wooden Head Sculpture by: Gunter Skrodski/ Haddstedt, Germany