i am here because i am here.
and in this here, i am being tutored on the now.
the present.
the what-is-right-before-me.
even if many times i don't want to be here, here is what is teaching me to be me.
here is where i understand the power of the moment. in the moment, here, is where discord dissolves. in the moment is where illness vanishes, teeth unclench, the chattering mind is stilled.
in the moment, here, thousands of miles removed, is the only place my heart is reconciled in choosing to love an army man. if i am there, out of the moment, i am not me and the illusion of loneliness is crushing.
so, i am here, behind the garage, resisting the urge to give up. learning, still, the finer points of using the present to stay sane.
in the moment, here behind the garage, activity swirls around my stillness. the goldfinch bounces over sound waves of the blue jay piping its call. the squirrel, surprised, yet brave, inches forward. yellow butterflies, pollen-coated bees, cicadas old and new. the sky, blue as pool water. the breeze, a brush with grace.
i am here because i am here.
to be me.
