white fire

there is a weight and a radiant fire on my left hand. i look at it constantly, marveling at the twinkle of colors that flash with the slightest movement. at times, i remove the fire and lay it down on the nearest surface. i wonder and i doubt if i am truly ready for the joys and the burdens of its symbol. i look at it laying on the desk or the nightstand or my skirted knee and i quickly reach out for its weight and slip it back on.

it is so small and so much larger than me. i do not yet understand who i am while wearing white fire. i confess i do not think i am strong enough for the task of constant compromise and adaptation, being leashed and unleashed all at once. my fears seek to consume me.

but he loves me.

fiercely, truly, exceptionally. even when i am afraid.

and my heart, long, long before a weight ever graced my left hand, decided he was worth the risk.

the risk of losing my small self utterly and completely.
the risk of discovering new purpose in caring for another.
the risk of  casting off fear to, instead,
be consumed by the white fire of love.

Colors Of Home

Colors Of Istanbul

Istanbul Enterprises

roasted chestnuts

pigeon food

sweet breads

junk

 bazaar

So Much And Nothing

I spent 2 weeks in Istanbul with my Gypsy King, I have been home for more than a week and still, I have nothing to say. Or rather, I have a lot to say, but only to myself. For now, I can only offer you pictures. I can only offer how I saw the fantasy that is Istanbul and the glimpses I saw of its underbelly, as well.

There is too much to think about, too much to let go of, too much that is precious and held close to my heart. There is fear and love and the quest to grow up. There is so much and there is nothing. For now, let there be nothing.

But pictures.


{spice market, istanbul. april 2010.}

Windows Of Istanbul

Anticipation

Istanbul Ferry to Kabatas

Come for a ride on one of my favorite delights of Istanbul.

Forget Me Not

I'm home. All is well, except my computer. I need a new one. So, even though I have lots of thoughts and pictures to share of Istanbul, it will have to wait. It could be up to 2 weeks before my new computer is here and running. I'll be back as soon as I can. Don't forget me. I'll be thinking of you. xoxo

Turkish Friends

triple: my favorite 3-legged dog. we met last october

misty: tiny hunter of seagulls

sylvester: winner of the most charming cat award

bongo: sweet, half-tailed ghost of the music district

bodhisattva: subway guardian, offering salvation in disguise

Glimpses Of Istanbul 3

Glimpses Of Istanbul 2

carve flowers out of rubble

Where fantasy meets reality,

let the true work begin.

From that beginning,

carve flowers out of rubble.

Praise the pain and the petal.

Mosque Graveyard

Off the beaten stone road, tucked behind the tourist traps, a little garden of art commemorating the wealthy patrons of a neighborhood mosque. Gravestone words written in Arabic script, approximately 200 hundred years old.

Basilica Cistern, Istanbul

This underground cistern was built by Byzantine Emperor Justinianus (527 to 565). 140 meters wide, by 70 meters long, with 336 marble columns, each 9 meters in height. The capacity is 100,000 tons of water storage. 2 Medusa heads were taken from unknown locations and used as the base of 2 columns. The heads are the highlight attraction for most visitors.

For me it was the fish. Big carp, little carp and a few ginormous ones, all swimming and dodging coins in an almost perfect environment.

The English translation pamphlet sums up the experience of the cistern adventure best:

"The cistern, like in the past, has been going on its survival adventure with fish everywhere. The visitors melt into disappearance when they are here in the cistern to see the Medusa head, in accompany of fish and smoothing music."

And there you have it.

Glimpses Of Istanbul

blue mosque hiding

grape hyacinth

daily propane delivery

female riot police at a protest rally

recycling paper:  pick up by over-sized hand cart

my compulsion

imagined glamour at the street-side cafe: 

resting with my bag of lunch meat for cats.