unannounced and potent

northern oriole

{straight out of the camera/true colors}

yesterday, there were 6. 5 living, 1 not. 2 grace my backyard~ singing from prominent perches, dipping their beaks in the jelly jar, sparking sunshine off liquid feathers as the day's rays descend. they are everywhere for me this spring, like never before.

they are the promise that balance is always present, if we have but eyes and heart to see. they are solace and reward for the daily task of letting go. i am in tune with their oriole gifts of sunshine and relation, most eagerly the relation of the secret-side of self.

it is the large thrills that are unsustainable and leave me depleted in their wake. it is the small ones, those little thrills that come to me over and over, unannounced and potent, that sustain me through the nights.

Search Inside Yourself

my new meditation corner and new book

practice guides

lots of red underlining

the elusive buddha joins the meditation

These are days that have me thinking of relationships and life purpose and compassion. Surprisingly, and not, a book arrived in the mail that speaks to all of those considerations and more. Written by a Google engineer who found his life's goal in the pursuit of making the benefits of meditation accessible to humanity, the book is filled to brimming with insight and practical steps to increase inner happiness. And thereby effect world peace.

In attempting to highlight the important passages in the book worth remembering, I find my red pen is practically running out of ink. Inside the pages are huge "aha!" moments which all rest on the foundation of mindful meditation. From page 230~ "Meditation, at its simplest, is the training of attention. With enough meditative training...3 wonderful qualities of mind naturally emerge: calmness, clarity and happiness. Inner happiness is contagious."

Luckily, Chade-Meng Tan uses simple, practical guides to teach us how to meditate easily and peppers the practical with goof-ball humor. He teaches us to improve our relationships, both personal and business, through mindful listening, conversation and attention. He helps align us with self-awareness, self-confidence and empathy using science of the brain and ancient wisdom. He grew his inspiration of training and developing the mind to create happiness and compassion into a full blown course taught at Google University. His book now shares the Google course with the world.

Some of my favorite red underlined insights from Search Inside Yourself include:

• Just giving each other the gift of total attention for 6 minutes is enough to create a friendship.
• The only highly sustainable source of self-confidence comes from deep self-knowledge and blatant self-honesty.
• Optimism is something that can learned. It starts with being realistic and objective.
• Compassion is the cause for the highest level of happiness ever measured, and it's a necessary condition for the most effective form of leadership known.
• Compassion requires engagement in real life with real people. 
• Meditation practices cannot be perfected outside real life.
• Our brains respond far more strongly to negative experiences than comparable positive ones.
• For a marriage to succeed, there must be at least 5 times as many positive interactions in the relationship as negative ones. 5:1 ratio.
• A 3:1 ratio is unreasonable.
• It's not the stress itself that gets to you; it's the feeling of helplessness in the face of that stress.
• Goodness is very inspiring, and it inspires in a way that changes people.

So, I've created a dedicated mediation corner in my home to help me achieve my definition of success and sustainable happiness. In that corner you will find candles, a blanket and books. Chade-Meng Tan's  Google-course-turned book, sits at the top of the pile.


Thank you, TLC Book Tours, for recommending this book to me!

Rainbow Soup

Because a mostly tear-filled weekend ended with a double rainbow, on the heels of a full moon/eclipse that promised to usher in a change of ways and being, I left my home early today, grocery list in hand. I returned with chicken, brown rice and vegetables (and bay leaves, because not surprisingly, upon inspection the jar in my cupboard had expired 11 years ago). I donned my favorite vintage apron, the one with the blue cat on the singular pocket, and I began channeling my not-so-long-deceased Grandmother. Together we made soup for my Mother.

Shockingly, it was delicious.

Let the culinary games begin.

{THIS is what it's all about.}

tears in the broth

these are helpless days where  i search for inner strength and wish i had a worthy way with food like the other women in my family. i wish i didn't have such a demanding job. there are more important things to be doing.


like feeding her well and chasing away her anxieties and fears.

like getting rid of the clutter and carving out space for peace.

like letting go of the things, the things that simply don't matter and why have i thought for so long they do?


in these helpless days, I scour cookbooks to find something, anything that will build immunity and soothe, all the while plagued with the realization the task may be fruitless, and lament my life-long lack of interest in the culinary arts.  but, still, in the 11th hour, which i hope is only the 9th, no, the 7th if i am honest, i will try.

chicken soup for the soul. hers and mine. tears in the broth. and prayers.

Be Your Own Reprieve

Lotus Bay, the NY shores of Lake Erie

It has been a time of too much. Too much work, too many demands, too many emotions to process. I have turned inward and found my reprieve.

I am good food and early to bed. I am diligent nature journal and early to rise. I am seated on the floor with tarot and tea. I am cat adoration and silence. I am new-found love of water. Ideas and inspirations and I-wonder-ifs abound. There are treasures too numerous to name when duty is done and the world is decidedly held at bay.

It is such a beautiful world when news and broken things are ignored. There are secret coves of goodness lapping at our shores, calling us to wade~ ankle-deep or full-body plunge~ into their healing waters. Turn inward, I tell you. Every now and then. Decide you've had enough and make it so.

Shun the forecast, the propaganda, the orchestrated chaos bent on mass control. Get your ankles wet. Dive headlong into the pleasure of what calls you deeply. Swim in the cove that bears your true name, where time is enriched and stands perfectly still. Refresh yourself, body and soul, with the activities and style of rest that heals you.

Find a way to balance the chaos. Be your own reprieve.

52 Photos Project~pink

All the stylin' gals wear pink.

For Bella

spring in the unmanicured yard

the afterbirth left at my door

the profusion of soft, butter-yellow

the mystery twig of 3 years

 that finally revealed its identity.

Be softly reborn.

 

Reveal your inner beauty,

right where you are. 

Your time has arrived.

52 Photos Project~ in locomotion on the north sea

private train to the German hallig (island) of 

Nordstrandischmoor

no cash is exchanged for the ride over the sea.

you pay the driver with liquor.

view of the tiny tracks from the alfresco seating.

you have arrived.

the main attraction.

there is 1 small restaurant. northern German cuisine.

take it or leave it.

there is a movie theater.

there is a school.

 for all 3 students.

with a human population of 27,

there are more sheep on Nordstrandischmoor than people.

For Bella~ locomotion

Carry Me Onward

mangrove tunnel

kayaking in mangrove

so many wildlife sightings, of late

busy, busy, busy with flowers

finding the beauty in the tangle

Where to even begin? Here in the middle of May, my year has been very full. Aside from my busier-than-ever full time job, I have spent the lion's share of my time facilitating the first run of my online course about finding and honoring 3 levels of home. The months of preparation and the actual 8 weeks of the course lifted my soul above the fray in ways I can barely describe. All the participants were magnificent. Since the end, I am changed and contemplative. I am empty and full. I sit in silence a lot.

I am at home with myself like I have never been before. But growth is eternal, so new ways and ideas of home are evolving daily. Nature has always played an important role in the quality of my life and the balance of my psyche, yet suddenly the importance has accelerated. I am keeping a nature journal again and its pages are filling up rapidly. It has become the map to carry me onward. 

In the midst of all this, I went on a whirlwind trip to Florida to swim with the wild manatees (I did, indeed, stroke one full length under water), kayak among mangroves and play with abandon with my beloved cousin. And my Mother was dismissed from oncology care. She is now in the long-term care of the wonderful people from hospice. We are fully into the next phase of her journey with cancer and it is now all about comfort and love. Tears of sorrow and tears of healing are flowing. Hope and acute gratitude rule each day.

A part of me wants to stop everything and just sit under a tree with tea and the cacophony of birds. I need to digest and integrate these past monumental months. I will have to do this in snippets because heart-felt duty and rivers of ideas keep coming on. There is another online course begging for life in my brain and more magazine issues have been requested.  My Mother takes priority now, but there is magic moving in from the periphery, as well.

I am letting the birds and the flowers and the foxes carry me onward.

motherly advice

at last, because it hasn't been at first, we must learn to mother ourselves.

The Parrot Tulip

 

flowers are the breath of my soul.

bird watching

There has been and still is so much going on.

But I have no words to tell you.

They just won't come.

All I can do is wait.

Until they do.

Meanwhile, I'm bird watching...

Herons

Red Tail Hawks

Falcons

 Eagles/MN

52 Photos Project~let the sun shine in

Vitamin D, blue skies and apple blossoms.

Bliss of a heavenly degree.

~For Bella~

The Call

Have you felt it? Heard it in your head? Are you in the process of ignoring it or have you the courage to submit to the call? The call, you see, is this~ we are meant to come together to help each other and serve each other as a means to save this planet from ruin. And to save our very own souls.

Service to this planet and service to humanity is the end all and be all of our existence. It is becoming critical that we set aside the self-absorption, the inertia, the texting while driving and walking and pushing a grocery cart through the aisles. (Look up, I say. You're missing the real happenings of the world!) The time is coming and in many ways is actually here, when we will need each other more than we thought we ever would. For everything. 

But to be available to each other for help and understanding, to reverse our ill affects on Mother Earth, we must first get our own shit together. Get. Our. Own. Shit. Together. If you're in the process, keep going. If you have yet to start, get on it. You know what you have to do. Feed yourself better. Stop over caffeinating. Move your body. Turn off the computer and go to bed. Treat yourself with respect. Miraculous help appears when you decide to treat yourself like you matter.

We each have a talent, an ability, a something that will be an important puzzle piece to the whole~ a whole that is needed to keep this world glued together. Be kind to yourself and get ready. Your service will be put on call. Share it when the opportunity lands at your feet. Your effort will be more important than you know. And I guarantee you, reciprocity will come.

All of our efforts combined will save us from the cumulative affects of our previous, unthinking ways. Together is the way to reverse our fortunes and live on this planet wholly. Serve your own needs, then serve the needs of others. Find the people and causes you resonate with and come together to make a difference.

The call is going out. The time is now. Your heart will lead the way.

52 Photos Project~the beauty outside my door

The cherry blossoms came 5 weeks early this year.

And then the temperatures dropped.

It was too cold for the bees.

Bees make the difference in so many things we eat.

Without them, we are lost.

Like the cherry crop that will be less than it's ever been,

come July.

Of beauty and the bee~ for Bella

Rebirth

spring beauty, risen again

And just like that, the message came. It was 11pm, an ungodly late hour for me. But laundry had been forgotten and down to the basement I went. Turn on the light, open the door and whoosh, there he was.

The little brown bat.

Flying in circles, flying in circles, deftly missing me in his passing.

If you know me at all, you know there is no panic in the presence of a bat. My only immediate concern was to open the doors and point the way out. He kept flying in circles. Flying in circles.

Until he flew into the little cubby-room to the south and stayed. I retrieved the laundry, wished him well and closed the door. He found his way in, he'd have to find his way out.

But the bat, the unmistakable bat, is the Native American symbol for rebirth. Preceded by the Shaman's death~ the extensive letting go of the outmoded life, where the initiate would dig themselves a grave and spend the night in the ground, surviving their deepest fears. I could not deny that it had been just me and him at night below ground. So, what else is there to do but open to the ways of rebirth?

I admit, there have been moments of cathartic release since the bat flew into my life. And there was the red squirrel, also little, freshly run over as I drove down the road. I saw it in death-throe convulsions and plucked it off the tar to die in my hands. The little red angers within me bleeding out through the squirrel and laid to rest on the side of the road. Get back in the car. Keep going.

Do not resist the rebirth. Keep going.

There are shudders in the premature grave. New breath brings new life and the rising will come.

The rising will come.

The little brown bat has said so.

The Unexpected

Canada geese in a cow pasture

Tundra swans stopping over at the swamps

Crushed beaver on the side of the road

In the bustle of my days, amid the angst over illness and the demands of the job, I am making room for the unexpected to arrive. Whether it arrives in the field or the other side of my door, I have decided to welcome it with a wide open heart. Miracles are calling my name.

It began, again, with the whisper to carry my camera where ever I go. I had forgotten in the tumult of the bustle. So, when the notion to suddenly drive to the swamps took hold, I was ready.

The reward was swift.

Hundreds of Canada geese honked and wallowed in the cow puddles overflowing with spring rain. I pulled over, camera in hand, and let their raucous chorus vibrate my soul. Then, further on, the jackpot. The unexpected of very large proportion. A pool at the swamps with small, floating icebergs that turned into tundra swans as I approached. There were more than 100. It was a life-list moment.

The moment expanded when 2 women of serious birding pedigree pulled up and walked over to me with their high-powered, tripod scope. They insisted I get a better view. Instantly, I was floating on the cold-water surface counting feathers on the napes of gracefully bent necks.

And there beavers, 5 alive, swimming here and there with last year's swamp grass in their mouths. The crushed one on the side of the road, the one who didn't make the dash from pool to pool, allowed for another unexpected surprise of my first up close view of the spectacular, handy-man's tail and webbed mammal feet.

I am making room for the unexpected to arrive.

I am keeping things cleaner at home. (One never knows when opportunity and love might come to call.) I am lipstick and cash on the way out the door. I am camera and tea in my handbag. I am mornings in silence, listening for the miracle nudge. I am arms wide spread like the wings of a swan, welcoming and ready for flight.

52 Photos Project~what makes me laugh

Lambs make me laugh. 

For Bella!

Techni~Color Bloom

I am completely immersed in my Home Edition course,

to the unfortunate neglect of this space.

I am being changed in ways I cannot yet articulate,

but the changes are good and needful.

 Fresh.

Long overdue.

Right on time.

And through the navigation of this course

my soul is indeed finding its techni-color bloom.

KONY 2012. Watch this. Do something.

Firsts on the Second

March 2nd~

It began with the first sighting of a redwing blackbird for the year. The first robin came swooshing over the road in front of my car. Then, the first high-altitude Canada geese came soaring through, one ragged V at a time.

There is early movement in the bird nation. Things are looking up.

After work, the tank running low and the prices running high, warranted a stop at the Indian Reservation (the Rez). It's my usual stop with it's twenty-five-cents-cheaper-per-gallon appeal. I'm greeted with not one, but two calls of "darling" by the young attendant in a greasy grey hoodie. His dog, a chopped-tail boxer with tiger-like stripes runs from car to car extending greetings of his own. Forty should do it, thank you. And the pump starts spewing.

The man in the car on the other side of the spare island, window down like mine, looks at me and says hey do I know you? No, you don't. Why are you smiling? I like to smile. That's real nice. Hey, do you wanna make love to me? No, not today. (Still smiling.) With that, the pump clicks off and the greasy grey hoodie takes the cash through my window, calling me "honey" and waving good bye.

The forecast of firsts on the second says, it's going to be a good spring.