that when you pass from this world, a veil is lifted.
you are granted a view of what transpired in your life without the
tactics of filters, defensive measures, or oblivion.
some may call this judgement day.
some may call this hell.
some may call this sweet relief or heaven.
what i imagine it is, is simple truth.
truth that can set your soul free.
truth that allows you to make adjustments to your soul's path.
maybe even truth that grants you insight to your fondest relations.
i have sensed her trying to get my attention.
the 4 women in 1 day all wearing her black rain coat with beige trim and hood.
the singular chickadee and 3 male cardinals swooping into my yard.
the conversation with her niece at vinegar hill house.
i wonder if she sees me differently now.
i imagine it would be impossible not to.
just as i see her differently~ her secret and sentimental life revealed to me,
1 greeting card saved and 1 broach at a time.
her citizenship papers and locks of hair.
she is more to me than ever.
i now know our relationship continues.
we are miners of each other,
scratching for gold with silvered forks
and i imagine, finding it.
from where i stand, the world does not look the same.
because i am thinking differently.
because my mind is more open.
my understanding, larger.
watching some one die, slowly, is like taking a hand-crank can opener to your brain.
fussy forms of thinking and analyzing gain jagged, bleeding edges until you simply must
rip the old lid off, exposing your grey matter to chaos.
eventually, a protective sheath forms to filter out
the dust particles and leaf mush,
but there will never be a lid again.
you have no choice but to remain open.
and figure out what the hell to do next, knowing what you know.
there looms large the absurdity of material possessions.
the ones that became utterly useless, devoid of purpose and meaning in the slow blink of an eye.
what to do with them, hers and yours.
how much do you really need?
how much do you keep for honor and sentimentality?
my god, where do you put it all?
a shoebox of photos and a ring would suffice.
let it all sit, just where it is.
pray for strength and clarity.
reach for your new life in any way you can. an open mind is a wonder.